Game Reviews scoring 1, 2 or 3/10
Review Star Wars Battlefront Classic Collection (PS5) - Calamitous Launch Ruins Anticipated Return
Not like the simulations
When highly regarded games see a remaster, the quality tends to fluctuate between two extremes. You have the disastrous launches akin to Grand Theft Auto: The Trilogy - Definitive Edition, or you get the lovingly crafted, impressive remasters like we saw with Quake and Quake 2. Aspyr has been working its way through the back...
Mini Review Taxi Life: A City Driving Simulator (PS5) - Taxi Sim Stalls on Arrival
No es bueno
On paper, Taxi Life: A City Driving Simulator seems like a great time. Leisurely picking up fares in one of Europe’s most beautiful cities, Barcelona. Exploring and finding points of cultural interest, forming and customising your own taxi company — it all sounds like a relaxing experience, right? Wrong. While there’s no denying...
Review Jujutsu Kaisen: Cursed Clash (PS5) - Cursed Trash Solely Exists to Grab Your Cash
Salmon woe
As arguably the biggest anime and manga franchise on the planet right now, all publisher Bandai Namco had to do was put together a serviceable adaptation of Gege Aktusami’s modern-day sensation and reap the rewards. Regrettably, the dismal Jujutsu Kaisen: Cursed Clash is the worst kind of tie-in: a vapid cash grab clearly developed on a...
Mini Review Flashback 2 (PS5) - Disastrously Buggy Sequel Diminishes 1992 Classic
From Con-rad to Con-traversal
Flashback fans curb your enthusiasm, because Microid's 2023 Flashback 2's not even a 2D cinematic platform game. This PS5 pseudo 3D adventure doesn't have any of the subgenre's gameplay traits that Push Square noted when reviewing a title like Another World. It also doesn't continue in the tradition of great sci-fi...
Mini Review Ebenezer and the Invisible World (PS4) - Gorgeous Metroidvania Burdened by (Bah Hum)bugs
Nightmare before Christmas
Ebenezer and the Invisible World is a 2D Metroidvania-style platformer based on A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. You explore London as Ebenezer Scrooge, on a quest to return the industrial capitalist, Casper Malthus, to his good-natured self after a visit from the Ghosts of Christmas appear to have corrupted him. In...
Mini Review The Isle Tide Hotel (PS5) - A Criminally Tedious FMV Thriller
Hotel Hell
The Isle Tide Hotel's biggest crime is that it's not even so bad it's funny. It's just bad bad. Bad bad bad bad bad. There's no reason to play this game other than sheer morbid curiosity, and no reason to recommend this game to anybody for anything other than spite. But first, the formalities, so we can all get out of here. The Isle Tide...
Review The Lord of the Rings: Gollum (PS5) - There's Nothing Precious About This
We don't likes it, precioussss
The Lord of the Rings: Gollum poses itself as an epic quest across the treacherous realms of Middle-earth, where an inner conflict will rage inside the mind of one halfling. Of course we refer to the split-personality of both Smeagol and Gollum, an integral character across both The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings...
Mini Review Last Labyrinth (PSVR2) - Tediously Torturous Escape Room Experience
Sadistic
Last Labyrinth is a unique escape room experience, and not in a good way. You're strapped into a wheelchair with very limited manoeuvrability. With only head movements available to you and a laser pointer attached to the middle of your forehead, you must guide a young girl through a labyrinth of puzzles and ultimately escape this torturous...
Mini Review Altair Breaker (PSVR2) - Unfinished Online-Only Sword Fighter Doesn't Cut It
Altair Broken, more like
Altair Breaker is a multiplayer sword-fighting game from Swords of Gargantua developer, Thirdverse. It's set on the floating island of Vastus Isle, once a magical workshop but now turned to ruins by LAWS (Lethal Autonomous Weapons Systems). As a sword-fighter, you're tasked with helping Stella, a humanoid AI, in clearing the...
Review Fallout 76 - A Shockingly Bad Attempt at Multiplayer Survival
Nuclear hazard
Republished on Wednesday, 28th December, 2022: We're bringing this review back from the archives following the announcement of January 2023's PS Plus lineup. The original text follows. Fallout 76 will be remembered as a defining moment for Bethesda Game Studios, and not in a good way. This entirely multiplayer take on the Fallout...
Review New Tales From The Borderlands (PS5) - No Tale, Too Much Borderlands
Fails from the Borderlands
There’s an argument to be made that 2014’s Tales from the Borderlands is actually the best game in the Borderlands series. Now, hold on. Don’t go typing up your angry comments just yet. Hear us out. Sometimes you just want a capital V capital G Video Game that’s about running and jumping and shooting and looting...
Mini Review LEGO Brawls (PS5) - An Embarrassing Multiplayer Outing for LEGO
Back in the LEGO bin it goes
For years, LEGO games have carried around a reputation for being quality, kid-friendly titles that can be enjoyed by players of all ages. From classics like LEGO Star Wars to the recent LEGO Builder's Journey, there's hardly a modern LEGO game you can call downright bad. That is, until LEGO Brawls released on consoles,...
Mini Review Thymesia (PS5) – A Poor Take on the Souls-Like Formula
Are you ready to recall?
Thymesia is a Souls-like that sees you play as Corvus, a reincarnated warrior with amnesia. Though unsure of your standing in the world, you are guided by a spectral visage that tasks you with uncovering the secrets of "Vile Blood" and "Pure Blood". Trappings of Souls titles are aplenty, with things like lanterns serving as...
Mini Review MX vs. ATV Legends (PS5) – Scrap Metal
Legends never die, until they do
Since the end of the seventh console generation, the MX vs. ATV series has been foundering. Both of the titles to hit the PS4 were generally maligned, and things aren’t looking much better on the PS5. The main part of the game – races with dirt bikes, ATVs, and UTVs – functions as both a blessing and a curse...
Review Babylon's Fall (PS5) - This Limp, Confusing Service Game Has Nothing Going for It
Babylon's Fail
Let’s begin the review with a stark personal story. We promise this is 100 per cent true: we fell asleep playing Babylon’s Fall. Multiple times. Sat there in an office chair, DualSense in hand, fast asleep. That could almost be the end of the review, surely? A new game from Platinum of all people, patron saints of hardcore gaming...
Mini Review AWAY: The Survival Series (PS5) - Life Finds a Way, Far Away
Sweet and sour
On paper, AWAY: The Survival Series sounds like a really interesting experience. It’s set in a post-apocalyptic world where humanity has died out and only pockets of life remain. You get to play as an adorable young sugar glider who is trying to survive in a dangerous and hostile environment with his family. It all sounds like...
Review WWE 2K Battlegrounds - Rubbish Wrestling and Microtransactions Galore
World Wrestling Spendertainment
Republished on Wednesday 30th June 2021: We're bringing this review back from the archives following the announcement of July's PlayStation Plus lineup. The original text follows. Honestly, there's something sinister about WWE 2K Battlegrounds. And no, we don't mean Bray Wyatt's creepy mask, or the grotesque...
Review Necromunda: Hired Gun (PS5) - DOOM Rip-Off Broken Beyond Belief
Go to hell
You can hardly blame Streum On Studio for trying to make the next DOOM Eternal. With shooters very few and far between this early on in the PlayStation 5 generation, the developer had the opportunity to leave its mark with a fast-paced FPS that picks up right where id Software left off last year. It even had the Warhammer 40,000 license...
Review Balan Wonderworld (PS5) - One of the Worst 3D Platformers of the Past Decade
There is no wonder in this world
Gamers have been treated to a 3D platformer renaissance over the past few years. The likes of Yooka-Laylee and A Hat in Time have shown the world that 3D platformers aren’t just a genre of the past, but a formula that can still be iterated upon. Enter Square Enix and legendary game designer Yuji Naka, best known...
Review Cyberpunk 2077 (PS4) - The Single Biggest Disappointment of the PS4 Generation
Night Sh*tty
Good God. Over seven years since that first CG trailer, and this is what we get? We always thought that writing this review was going to be difficult, but CD Projekt Red has made it a lot easier than we had ever imagined. Why? Because, as of v1.05, Cyberpunk 2077's a damn mess on PS4, PS4 Pro, and yes, even PS5 via backwards...
Review Empire of Sin (PS4) - Gangster Strategy Game Is a Broken Mess
The Sopran-oh-noes
What do you know about multiverse theory? We Wikipedia'd it before writing this review and we played BioShock Infinite a few years ago so we're practically scientists now. From what we've learned there's a good chance that there's alternate universes out there much like ours only different choices made along the way have altered...
Review Need for Speed Payback - A Fine Racer Bogged Down By Microtransactions
Pay up
Republished on Wednesday 30th September 2020: We're bringing this review back from the archives following the announcement of October's PlayStation Plus lineup. The original text follows. We’re not sure about The Fast and the Furious, but Need for Speed Payback sure will make you furious fast. Ghost Games has spent two years tuning up...
Mini Review Bounty Battle - A Truly Terrible Attempt at Indie Smash Bros
Wanted dead
In concept, Bounty Battle is the Super Smash Bros. of indie games. In reality, Bounty Battle is nothing short of a disaster. It's a terribly made brawler that, at its worst, is borderline unplayable. It's a joyless, almost baffling experience that'll make you wonder how the heck it even managed to secure characters from Owlboy, Darkest...
Mini Review Tamarin - Tonally Confused Monkey Business
Is that a monkey? He's got a gun!
Tamarin bears some striking resemblance to Jet Force Gemini — an N64 game in which you save a peaceful planet from an invading race of alien insects. The key difference, though, is that in the 1999 Rare title, you play as the titular group of galactic soldiers, while in Tamarin, you play as a tamarin. After a very...
Review Fast & Furious Crossroads - This Basic, Broken Mess Is Hardly Family Friendly
It's time for Teh-ken
Fast & Furious Crossroads is a movie tie-in game without a film to actually tie itself to. The coronavirus pandemic has delayed Fast & Furious 9 to April 2021, leaving Slightly Mad Studios in an understandably awkward position. The Project CARS developer has decided to pull the trigger and launch the game, but it would...
Review Disaster Report 4: Summer Memories - Incoherent Disaster Sim Fails on All Fronts
Disaster la vista, baby
Disaster Report 4: Summer Memories is an odd title, isn't it? Ostensibly, the game is about surviving a gargantuan earthquake, so that's the "Disaster Report" bit covered. But "Summer Memories"? It sounds more like the name of a sickly sweet K-Pop song than anything to do with cracked pavement or crumbling buildings. As it...
Mini Review Gas Guzzlers Extreme - Nothing Extreme About This Ropey PS4 Racer
Put it in reverse
Gas Guzzlers Extreme is a bad name for a pretty bad game. A combat racer that looks and feels like a title from generations gone by, it fails to really impress on any level. PlayStation 4 is a platform that's suffered a lack of arcade racing games, but this one can't hold a candle to the few decent examples available. One of its...
Mini Review Last Labyrinth - PSVR's Most Baffling Experience
At least it's the last one
Every so often, a video game will come along that seemingly defies all preconceived logic and common sense. That can be a good thing, or it can go the way of The Quiet Man. Unfortunately, Last Labyrinth is a PlayStation VR title that very much belongs in the latter category. Its core mechanic is sound enough, if a little...
Review WWE 2K20 - 2K Sports' Wrestling Sim Hits Rock Bottom
Undisputed Error
WWE has released a video game based on its flagship brand of sports entertainment every year for close to three decades now, so it may be surprising to some that this year’s entry has veered away from the franchise’s grappling roots in a variety of ways. For a start, all traditional forms of locomotion have been removed, as you...
Review The Bradwell Conspiracy - Jonathan Ross Can't Save This Technically Inept Title
Go home
The Bradwell Conspiracy wants to reach the same heights as Gone Home and What Remains of Edith Finch, but thanks to woeful performance on PlayStation 4 and clunky, unreliable mechanics, it goes in the opposite direction. After an explosion at the Bradwell Stonehenge Museum starts to topple the building over, it’s yours and a companion’s...
