Do you like cute things, specifically animals? Do you like to stare at said animals without interacting with them in any way? Are you a fan of music that sounds like a compilation of the happiest melodies ever conceived by man? If your answer is 'Yes' to each of these questions, then congratulations: Aabs Animals is for you. Everyone else might as well stop reading at this point, unless you happen to be a hopeless Trophy addict.
Spending 315 seconds with the game will net you one Bronze, one Silver, and three Gold Trophies – and that's literally all there is to achieve in this kitten-watching simulator. If you're looking for any kind of gameplay, challenge, or even basic interaction with the game's wide-eyed creatures, then you had best look elsewhere.
We're not going to delve into the 'what makes a game a game' debate, but it's worth pointing out that Aabs Animals has never been billed as a typical release. Instead, it's been marketed as “animal entertainment content”, which we suppose is a somewhat accurate description, although the “entertainment” part is obviously completely subjective.
Upon loading up the title, you'll be shown an animal selection screen, which allows you to pick a kitten of your choosing. The little fur-balls vary in colour, ear height, and tail length, and if you're unhappy with the feline that's been plopped onto your screen, a quick push of start is all it takes to switch to a more visually appealing animal.
But how could you possibly turn one of these kittens away? Cute doesn't even begin to describe their giant glistening eyes and the way that they smile from time to time as they stare directly into your soul, convincing you that it was worth spending money on this basic piece of software. “What more could you possibly want?” they seem to ask, rolling around on their backs without a care in the world, all while making calming little mewing sounds.
And they're right, to an extent – what more could you want? Booting up Aabs Animals when you're under stress or feeling angry will soothe even the most psychotic individual, while it'll mould anyone else into a being of unrivalled love and compassion. Take the Vita version out with you into the world and you'll never need all of those breathing exercises ever again – just load up Aabs Animals and stare at the screen until you revert to an almost primordial puddle of cat-induced bliss.
That's not all, either – the developer has promised updates that add in new animals among other undisclosed content, as well as paid DLC, so mammal lovers should just about lose their minds when we eventually get a miniature dachshund or something equally as small and sickeningly cute.
Aabs Animals doesn't do anything fundamentally wrong – in fact, it excels in everything that it actually sets out to achieve. Clearly, the limited interactivity and twee subject matter are going to make it an incredibly niche release – but staring at a floating three-dimensional kitten may just be the tonic that your life sorely needs.