@Ravix I'll read/reply to this one after sleep, there's a reply to your previous just above. I'll try not to borrow any sheeps tonight too.
Oh never-mind I already did.
I was trying to explain part of it last night but couldn't find the words. I'll use gaming for an example. During PS4 I did make trips to game stores, I think a lot of people did. I didn't follow gaming news so I didn't know what had just released or really what it was about. I got to know the clerks there and they more or less recommended games, that's how I grew my collection and found a lot of those franchises. At whatever point (PS5?) I started to see less games, more merchandise, no art-books, things not even related to gaming. Then when PS5 did get going so much went digital, I stopped going to game stores. I think this counts for a lot of people? Vendors like Amazon made it too easy to cut out the middle man. The same thing happened with music. I found a lot of bands too late and worked backwards, Screamo/Emo had an online presence, they weren't showing up on Moscow shelves. In England they were, I think I reached a point where there weren't any left and like you that same one Underoath album got played to bits. Eventually like you see now Spotify put an axe in so many physical releases so I stopped going to music stores. Something similar then happened with TV, I never watched it live, I picked up Family Guy one day in HMV and just asked was it good. That's how I found ninety percent of the shows I've seen. Except for Aqua Teen Hunger Force which I saw in America and quickly needed to see every episode. Now so much is just streamed content, all of those Netflix shows for example, so I don't shop for those either.
It's almost like all of these products and hobbies have become so streamlined that they are removing the need to even browse an actual physical store. Obviously I can see why people enjoy the convenience of online/delivery/better pricing but I do think the high street has lost something in the process. I don't see it as much with book stores, they were already rather quiet. I could sit on the floor with ten books and see maybe two people that whole time, I'd read a couple of pages then add them to the pile, the store owner didn't mind. I still do it, and will probably do it before the weeks out. But obviously now there is Kindle and so many order physical online. I think seclusion goes both ways, convenience is keeping a lot more people indoors. What do you think? You don't just buy games but other media like movies etc, are they online too?
@GirlVersusGame fudge! Why didn't I think to borrow a sheep 🤦♂️ I mean, the opportunity was right there. It could have been a bit of a change of scenery for it, just pop it on the lead and act like it's 'dog' and no one will know! Might have made its day 😅 and you're right, I did laugh. Totally. Unacceptable. Behaviour. I. Would. Never. Encourage 👀
Sounds like its high time you get to the countryside then, or find a way to be able to do that more often (not the borrowing animals bit), the spending time somewhere you love bit, especially if that is like a safe space, comfort zone or whatever 🙂
Yeah, I think I meant if there is a way to do stuff like that (photography, gigs), not as a job, but just as something you still love. But I suppose the access came from the job element. Btw, i'm going to randomly say a Roadrunner band one day and see if it catches you out or if you knew of them. I'm half confident it might catch you out, but then again... maybe it won't.
You are pretty good with advice, you should do something with that skill too. I warned you that your brain is far too powerful for me. But also, if you saw my talk with Tjuz you may get a sense that I did maybe realise some things recently with all our chats. First had to come the surviving then the rebuilding of a normal life, but I think I needed to realise I was probably now coasting along whilst still kind of shutting an important part of myself away, shutting my emotional brain off out of old survival instincts. Like the Moby song, but then maybe I forgot to actually re-awaken that important part of me. And I wouldn't worry about my baseline feeling about myself and the world, that is part of the gentle background hum I have always known, and i've been both immensely happy in life, badly broken, and kind of middling head down getting along, too, and that aspect never changes, and like I said, it actually gives me a freedom and a confidence. Like, if I don't like me, and yet other people seem to consistently insist that they in fact like me, then I must be doing something right 😛 Maybe that isn't healthy, it has, I admit, led to some interesting, confusing, and at times volatile relationships and interpersonal dynamics, but it is all i've ever known and i'd rather that than be a boring empty void of a person or something like that, for better or worse it always makes things interesting 😁
I hope at sometime you find inner peace in regards to how things went with your sister. Whether through silent contemplation or even personal prayer 🫂 and also hope that one day you realise that some of the things that once scared you no longer do. I think sometimes that is all that can be said. It is part of your journey, and things you might not be able to imagine at the moment can one day be part of your life just as naturally as anything else, and you might not even realise how you got there 🙂
Didn't see the update. I agree it isn't necessarily good for people, but it is convenient. I have never really loved the act of regular shopping that much (typical male) so trying to think of something I actually can say I genuienly miss. A lot of the time I do kind of just accept that online store culture is quite convenient and time saving now, even though I'm getting back into physical media, it is still easier to just quickly grab it online and have it appear at some point.
Record stores (cds) were cool, especially in America, where you could just go and chill out with the headphones and try out album without a care in the world (this was sort of a thing in the UK, too, but I find towns a bit more run down and depressing in comparison here) there was more of an alt culture in record stores in the US, where the UK was still a bit chavvy. I did used to spend moderate time actually flicking through album covers and picking up stuff I might like to try, and that was kind of exciting, as you'd have to wait and see. Stuff was definitely bigger and more exciting in the US by default, though. And as you say, a lot of media is now just streamed and online, which is kind of sad.
Music (instrument) stores hopefully survive because you have to physically try the instruments to know if you like them and feel comfortable playing them. I can't imagine people relying on online for that, but maybe they do
Actually movie stores and rentals were cool too, that was a more social way of picking up movies, the rentals died quite a while ago though, to be honest. Especially in smaller highstreets. I still have some dvds probably with bargain bin stickers on, too! but i'm in the process of replacing all of that stuff, really. Maybe it is a bit sad. They are almost relics now, and modern life has changed so much.
What do you think, do you miss the tactile nature and excitement of having to really search for hidden gems in hobby based stores? And if you do, then one last bastion of the tactile and real experience you might also like to try would be antique stores, if that kind of social and crafting history interests you? But then some can see that type of thing as just 'nick-nacks' and some people do use that just to be showy.
The next level for people is that throwaway Temu culture that has taken over. I don't like the way that kind of thing is going. But I think the highstreets are doomed either way. The smaller the town, the more they struggle.
When it seems you're out of luck.
There's just one man who gives a f*************ck
⚔️🛡🐎
@Ravix That was my idea with the goat. To try and hide it as a pet, in a matter of minutes I'd pictured our life together. I didn't know they eat everything and jump on cars. They have hard feet so they leave marks too. I don't know what a sheep would do in that situation, maybe just stand there and technically lamb is tasty but I'd never eat a goat (knowingly) I've had some strange pets, I won't mention but most got too big then got dangerous.
I've been thinking of the countryside, I go every so often to check on my dog. He can't stay here, there were fights with the other dogs and it's not worth getting either side injured. He was raised as a kind of guard dog, he's able to push you to one side while aggressively bark at whoever is approaching from the front, it's hard to describe but he uses his weight to push you out of the way in a kind of constant movement. He wasn't raised to be around other dogs. So maybe, I'll be going home soon either way and that's technically the countryside, except now there are a lot of passing aircraft etc, for obvious reasons. Part of me wants to watch because I find aircraft interesting but the other knows where they are going and then I don't.
I might catch the Roadrunner Band, the company I was with handled PR for them, Nuclear Blast and a couple of other labels who came through Europe. I might miss it too, I have really selective taste in some music. A lot of press releases went through for much smaller bands that were picked up as support, that's why I respect the music grind. It's very hard to make it now for Metal bands, if you don't get a good support slot you might never be seen or heard. It's actually webzines that are keeping a lot of names out there, not magazines or websites, it's very fan-heavy. Labels aren't sending people out there to find talent anymore.
I warned you that your brain is far too powerful for me.
I think I've just found ways to slot things and hyper focus to avoid other things. I'm still technically in school too, I still have tutors for languages and things, that's not counting a personal trainer, I don't like sitting still, that's when people start to dwell on things. I already had an hour of mathematics today.
I was probably now coasting along whilst still kind of shutting an important part of myself away, shutting my emotional brain off out of old survival instincts. Like the Moby song, but then maybe I forgot to actually re-awaken that important part of me.
That sounds like me when I get insomnia. That touch wood thing means I can't fall asleep if I'm alone. For a time I'd ask someone to sit there and read their paper or book while I slept, then it worked. I woke up one night when they weren't there, grabbed a blanket and went looking for them. I still do that. I'd rather sleep on a sofa or the floor than sleep alone. That whole thing, being taken away from people like that is something that happens to very very few people, it sticks to you for life. Your logical mind says 'I'm safe now' but one loud noise and you are right back there. I leave London every time Guy Fawkes Night comes up, it's just pop pop pop all evening. That's me avoiding the issue for mental/emotional self preservation. I don't think you should shut your emotional side off, it will just keep layering up until you'll develop anxiety or worse. If you don't have it already.
You are pretty good with advice, you should do something with that skill too.
That's where charity work comes in, I discretely help victims of grooming and other things. There's been a shift of 'it happens to everyone', so they don't talk about it. In a way it does happen to a lot of young girls especially over social media, it's become 'just get a thick internet skin', that tough skin breaks years later when you realize what actually happened. That's where the extent of my advice goes, the rest is just me trying to be human. People on those online games told me things they'd never told anyone, I didn't realize people held onto things so long and kept it so closed off. The reality is that the mental health service especially in the UK is a shambles, they don't focus on actually helping people. Instead they hand them a bag of drugs and tell them it will pass, then those same drugs have side-effects. That's not medical help, that's putting a small plaster on a problem.
Also that Moby song, you know what's weird? I've heard that many times and not once did I see the lyrics or even 'hear' them. It was always the mix and piano that I focused on until you mentioned it. I can't explain that at all, I'll sometimes return to a song and because my English improved and I'll maybe understand the meaning. Maybe I heard something else. I don't even think First Cool Hive had lyrics. I think with Moby I got used to listening to the tempo and instruments more than the words. Portishead was a lot easier, they had similar acoustics but sang so slow.
I have a question for you. When you mention having a normal life, what does that actually entail to you. Do you mean from a relationship standpoint or are you sort of secluded too? You mentioned physical at some point too, is there some physically stopping you from pursuing relationships or and such or is it just all of that self doubt?
Like, if I don't like me, and yet other people seem to consistently insist that they in fact like me, then I must be doing something right. Maybe that isn't healthy, it has, I admit, led to some interesting, confusing, and at times volatile relationships and interpersonal dynamics
That word volatile is never good. I've been there and it's never worth the novelty of what comes with it. That girl I talked about was fine at first, then she started to drink heavily, take drugs, she turned into a completely different person. So maybe I have the wrong word but that volatile part came out and it was a tornado.
I hope at sometime you find inner peace in regards to how things went with your sister.
Thank you and I have. She was living with that and with what I call a mind that wasn't her own, that was volatile too. I know partying didn't help, I think it amplified things and brought something to the surface. I'm glad she's somewhere much better. I've been to a lot of funerals and they didn't touch me the same way, it just made me realize how important it is to tell someone they matter to you. I'd had given everything to get her better but we don't always get that choice, a strong lesson came from it, something I'll never forget.
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