@JohnnyShoulder Yikes, that sounds awful. I've been to after works and people would drink alcohol but it would never escalate like that.
But yeah, I don't really mind these activities as long as they're carefully planned. I mean honestly, I think it would've been better if they had placed me in a group with at least a couple of colleagues that I knew. Because then they could talk with the others and I'd be able to ease my way into conversations easier. I think that's why the party started out great because the groups were predetermined with a good mix of people but when it came down to dinner, the groups were chosen randomly and that's when the evening started to go downhill for me.
But I doubt they'd change anything just for me. I now realise why my friend skipped this year's Christmas party. I probably should've done the same.
@LtSarge I'm all for people having a good time, but sometimes people don't know their own limits. I've been in some states before, but I've never hurt anyone and at work events have been pretty well behaved, and still had some really good nights out.
Yeah unless a bunch of people complain or something, these things rarely change from my experience. We've not had one this year as their was not enough interest. Think the current economic situation hasn't helped, as this can be a rather expensive time of year.
Life is more fun when you help people succeed, instead of wishing them to fail.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
@Kidfried That sounds like the best work event ever!
@LtSarge in regards to not having anything to say to some people, this was something I used to struggle with. You could try just making small talk, and go from there. The weather, plans for Christmas etc. If they have kids that is a great topic to bring up usually as that can be a big time filler. I usually try to avoid stuff like politics, as that is when things can get a bit awkward if there wildly different opinions.
Life is more fun when you help people succeed, instead of wishing them to fail.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
@LtSarge You don't need to have anything obvious common with women 10-20 years older than you though, just be honest and ask questions to find out what it's like being a different gender and 20 years older! Not everyone loves Final Fantasy 9 (for some reason) and, really, how many chances in life do you get to hang around with a group like that?
Historically, I struggle in these situations too - honesty is the best policy I find, don't be afraid to let people know how you're feeling. Even if I felt a bit dorky I'd literally say, in a fun way, "I feel a bit awkward sitting here with you all as I don't know any of you and I am a bit crap at socialising". If they are decent people (most are!) they'll see what you're going through and throw you a bone. Then have a little drinky poo, ask questions and show a general interest in them. Be yourself, mix up your words and talk crap - weird is fine. If they point and laugh at you they are ar*eholes, get up and find another table because it's not you who's the problem.
It is hard though, I've struggled in the past. Just try and have the right mindset going in and sustain it and you might find you start having a bit of fun. "I don't like Christmas parties" is setting you up to fail. When I get an invitation to an event I try and make my first thoughts positive ones and try to get excited about it but it really doesn't come naturally. At the very least remain neutral and open minded!
It does help that I don't get invited to loads of social events though - I can handle a few a year but if I had a wedding every weekend I'd shoot myself!!
Oh and of course take up social smoking for extreme circumstances Great opportunity to get out of the room for 5 minutes and you might bump into someone who likes Zelda in the yard
@LtSarge You don't need to have anything obvious common with women 10-20 years older than you though, just be honest and ask questions to find out what it's like being a different gender and 20 years older! Not everyone loves Final Fantasy 9 (for some reason) and, really, how many chances in life do you get to hang around with a group like that?
Historically, I struggle in these situations too - honesty is the best policy I find, don't be afraid to let people know how you're feeling. Even if I felt a bit dorky I'd literally say, in a fun way, "I feel a bit awkward sitting here with you all as I don't know any of you and I am a bit crap at socialising". If they are decent people (most are!) they'll see what you're going through and throw you a bone. Then have a little drinky poo, ask questions and show a general interest in them. Be yourself, mix up your words and talk crap - weird is fine. If they point and laugh at you they are ar*eholes, get up and find another table because it's not you who's the problem.
It is hard though, I've struggled in the past. Just try and have the right mindset going in and sustain it and you might find you start having a bit of fun. "I don't like Christmas parties" is setting you up to fail. When I get an invitation to an event I try and make my first thoughts positive ones and try to get excited about it but it really doesn't come naturally. At the very least remain neutral and open minded!
It does help that I don't get invited to loads of social events though - I can handle a few a year but if I had a wedding every weekend I'd shoot myself!!
That's my top Christmas anxiety tip.
@LtSarge Best advice so far. But don't smoke though, vape if you have to, apparently it's better for you and it smells a lot better lol. But seriously don't start either if you can avoid it, addiction is a slippery slope.
I'm a mixed bag with work events, on the one hand I really like it but on the other, I am quite nervous about it. I did the secret Santa last year considering I had just started and didn't know many people and there were also a couple people I actively disliked. There's a few people I would have been comfortable getting jokey presents for. The guy I got is a great guy though and while he can take a joke, he struck me as somewhat insecure despite his facade so I got him a really nice "coming of age" gift instead. He was fairly young. I am not sure what I would have got for somebody who I actively disliked.
While that team was a mixed demographic of backgrounds and ages, it was entirely men so I don't blame you for feeling uncomfortable around older women. Even as the team slightly diversified gender-wise toward the end of my tenure there, my main go to (for everyone really, not just women) would be to crack jokes. Keep it light for the most part and celebrities are a good thing to joke about because everybody knows them and mostly nobody cares about them. Also word play will get an amused groan if you are good at that. It's the sort of thing everyone wants to laugh at but stifles. I revel in the awkwardness 😆. If you get "the look" at some word play instead of the ever more positive sigh, just say "tough crowd" and excuse yourself. That normally gets a laugh
Can also have a by proxy conversation about games with them anyway because I guess their children are going to be gamers! To be honest though, you never know who is a gamer. I have been surprised about who responds positively when I broach the topic. My 50 something Biology teacher back when I was at school was a big gamer. Would never have thought it unless I randomly and cheekily asked it one lesson. We even ended up swapping games to try out!
Will also say that was a very nice and insightful post and gives another look into your life. Thanks for being so candid!
Anyone else had an email from Sony about 'Limitless'? It seems if you are quite knowledgeable about all things Playstation then you can earn money helping other gamers out. Kind of like freelance customer support.
@BearsEatBeets Yeah I had that email. I deleted it after a quick read as it is not something I wanna be doing in my spare time unless I really have to.
Life is more fun when you help people succeed, instead of wishing them to fail.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
@MightyDemon82 That happened to me once, but I was with mates and I was drunk. I made the schoolboy error of falling asleep and woke up with a face full of make up. When I got home, my dad just shook his head with my mum giggling in the background.
Life is more fun when you help people succeed, instead of wishing them to fail.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
@JohnnyShoulder haha this isn't my first time as I have nieces of 12, 8, 5 and 2 and the youngest is a real girly girl so no doubt I'll be subjected to this torture for years to come.
I did once paint my nails bright pink and sat in the pub for several hours before my mates noticed just to see their reaction 😂 and also put on a glow in the dark neon one that looked fantastic in a disco/nightclub 😂
@MightyDemon82 ha ha yeah the glow in the dark neon stuff looks wicked in a nightclub! I painted almost my whole body in the stuff a few times back in the day. You can really mess with people depending on how spaced out they are! 😂
Life is more fun when you help people succeed, instead of wishing them to fail.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
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