Topic: The Chit Chat Thread

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@Tjuz I'll tell you something about the whole ''blind to colour'' saying. That's actually quite controversial nowadays, because people will argue that they don't want you to be blind to their race.

• I don't understand their culture, but I don't understand yours either and you are quite white even with what looked like pan-stik. I understand my culture, but only because I have no experience/exposure to yours either.

The same Woman I mentioned before, in Finishing School we call them the Director/Madame. She was racist and held certain views. Ones she tried to instill in me. That girl who was terminated was of colour, I'm sure she was made an example of and that my making my own bed and buying her a phone weren't reason enough. We're in Paris now, not with her Family but I have seen her since. I just know she treated people not of colour better, or it's because they were men and she didn't mind me talking to them because she didn't want me liking other girls (anti-gay too?) I don't even know what you call that.

I did have cultural awareness lessons. Although that's complicated too because by awareness I don't mean history, I mean business. Awareness to you means something differently, you are aware of reasons for acceptance, about current happenings in the world and those happenings influence overall awareness.

You are living in the world, if something happens out there you essentially or eventually will find out. It allows you to stay aware and educated, which sounds like a boon, but also overwhelming if things are really in that much of a complex flux. I don't know what's acceptable or appropriate, it took me three weeks to even write to you privately. I kept going back on forth on certain things and there was no one to ask for a second opinion because I wasn't supposed to be having that conversation with you in the first place.

My cultural awareness classes were similar to my ethics and moral classes, they weren't specific to any other culture but my own. In plain English it was to reinforce the rules and expected behavior that was already present, similar to a training manual for a puppy. It made sense at the time, I wasn't thinking for myself. But that's complicated too because you didn't have wardrobe management classes, I did. Which is ironic considering he chooses everything I wear, which I prefer. I'm not saying it was a waste of time, actual school just sounds better but even then I question that too because I'm convinced you need to live in the world to understand it and a curriculum no matter how good will always have limits and perhaps bias.

Cultural awareness lessons are more related to business. Example, a couple of nights ago I was entertaining company. He wasn't of my culture, but I'd learned enough to follow the conversation/etc, that's essentially why I had those classes. It wasn't to learn about racism, poverty or racial injustice, I've had to quietly learn those on my own. My Partner doesn't mind me learning about poverty, he understands philanthropy, but if he knew I was conversing with someone about gender/race? He wouldn't be too pleased and it's not because he's a bigot or a racist, he knows I'd overwhelm myself, then overload myself and blue-screen. All of those somethings/labels feel like a whole other language and the only textbook seems like real world experience, so thank you for sharing yours.

That school was not academic, and off the record I think certain institutions like that do operate on location bias. The person who brought tea a while ago was of colour, in London they were white. That to me is location bias. Households here hire people of a certain race and I think it's to take advantage of wages. I technically live here too, but that's complicated. There are questions I can't ask. When I say I'm old world and traditional I mean my own what you called circle, we have our own views, customs, rules. I don't live in 2025, I live maybe in the 1950s at best and by traditional I mean a feminists worse nightmare, which is fine because their idea of a perfect world is equally as terrifying to me. That Director's idea of old world and traditional was more exclusive, I try to be inclusive, as I said before we don't discriminate, business is business. The person I mentioned to you on Discord, my time with him erased a lot of what she had been trying to instill.

He showed me something different, which is why I shared what I did with you about him. It was more than just sailing and drives in the country-side, I think he helped to dilute a lot of what were current teachings at the time. He used my name, others didn't, he was the exception. He wasn't racist, I'm sure he saw colour, I was probably too young to pick up on what Adults thought about race/colour unless they went out of their way to tell me directly and I was swept up in something else, I think the heart easily overpowers the mind. I'll look find another word for blind to colour. Cats see colour differently, maybe I'll start there.

It's a bit hard to put into words, but I think that's the gist of it. As a white man, I have no real horse in this race.

• Not to be insulting but when you said man I forgot that part, I wasn't focused on your gender, you have qualities of both and I mean that in a good way. I think perhaps you are tuned in or clued into something that keeps you up to date on things as they change. It gives you a kind of early warning system, but I don't think you need one either. It may be other elements too. I've always lived under propaganda, it hasn't made me cold, but it does add confusion. I often come back to this one video as a soft example. Your Mum probably sends you cook-book recipes, mine sends me things I can't even discuss.

You see this as propaganda. I see it as confusion and I've lived in America but as I said before it doesn't matter where you live if you don't have exposure to that culture or society. I should be able to see through that video I've seen it and so many more so many times and meet a kind of wall. I don't know which parts are real and which aren't, it might be because humor is injected.

As for the fact that the black demographic is represented on this new rainbow flag... I think it's mostly because this flag came up in the time of Black Lives Matter.

• I saw 'Black Lives Matter' on a wall in Spiderman and my answer was 'every life matters', that's how aware I was of that movement. It wasn't ignorance, just an honest reaction. I don't know what happened in America with that movement, everything that happens in America might as well be happening on a far off exo-planet. I see words and hints in the comments sections of articles here and 'what on Earth are they even talking about'.

Ha, it's funny that the rainbow flag was explained to you as being related to the Care Bears. I loved those little bears when I was a kid!

• I think she defaulted to the first thing that came to mind, I liked The Care Bears but I took 'care' out of that exchange as in 'it means to be colourful and care about someone'. Which isn't far off the truth.

I had one of their movies on repeat... which was one of the early, low-budget 3D animation films they'd make that I'm sure would give me nightmares looking back at it now.

• They are actually comforting. I tried the Simpsons over the last couple of weeks, some were good, some bad, it was a lot more fast moving and current (for the time it was set)

But yeah, even living in a very diverse city like Berlin, I don't see the rainbow flag around all that much. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing either. It's nice to see it on certain establishments just to know before coming in you're going to walk into a safe space

• As a symbol, I can understand that. The fact it's needed on an establishment? I'm not sure how to feel about that, all space should be safe. In Berlin/Europe at least, obviously Russia isn't. The same for England it too should be safe by default. I think I just see Russia as a different world to Europe and in many ways it is, people never really understood that until more recently. Someone like me has always been cut off, disconnection by design, but gay people fleeing? That's different. Had it not happened with my friend I'd not have known.

I think I would have had a chance to pull rank and see things for myself had things not gone the way they did, I may have even had a chance to discuss these things offline. Now it's all illegal and extremist, on-top of that the symbol I'm required to adopt is seen as something else in other places. I'd like to have met someone like you four or five years ago when things weren't as cluttered, technically I did know someone like you back then but we didn't discuss these things. I just know I'd prefer a world with colour than without.

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@Tjuz It sucks that you've had to watch people choose the wrong path over and over again first-hand, but I'm happy that you chose to question that and not just go along for the ride as that woman might have wanted.

• Which to me is really strange that even back then I did question anything. I think the difference was that I saw someone else in a bad situation and then said something, if and when it's the other way around I say nothing. At Christmas you called it a kind of inability to self-empathize, if it happened to you I'd say something and I think that's what it must have been. There's something there that makes it hard for me to see people hurt or put down. I think to be able to assume certain roles in my world you have to be a kind of ruthless, I call it walking over people and I don't have that hence my situation.

The fact that you've chosen to seek that knowledge out for yourself in a life where that's in no way expected (or harmful to you if you hadn't) says a lot about your character. I'm sure the culture clash of it all does overwhelm you at times, especially with this site being one of your few main outlets

Thank you and you're right it does overwhelm but I have to do something. It's like knowing there's a planet with intelligent life and you have the ability to communicate with it secretly and it might be strange/loud but it holds answers. I'm not calling you an alien, maybe it's the other way around. It's actually the only outlet right now. I didn't know my Discord accounts had shared access, I did something wrong apparently (I still don't know what but said I did know) and she removed my access on two of them and left me the other one because she thought I'd been talking to you. I was told I'll get them back if I take time off. Amber has a strange way of showing she cares, but it is what it is.

It works because my Partner said I need to take time off too, not from him, from jumping time-zones, everything else still stands obviously. We we're supposed to stay in Moscow for Easter it's a really big holiday on our calendar but I noticed I was forgetting a lot of things so we did a memory test for things that happened over the previous week and I got it all wrong. Then we did a month one to see if I remembered where we'd been, I thought it was four countries, it was six. That lead to having to go outside for air and after that he went straight to my Parents and said my jet-lag had gone chronic and that we had to leave right now. Which is when we both found out something, apparently my Mum had chosen Easter next week to re-baptize me under Church and State, that didn't go down well, obviously it's his choice to make not hers. It would be fine if it was Church as in God, but she said State and that means something else. Either way he said no, took me and left. I'd been given CDs and things, he threw them away. It's not that he himself isn't Patriotic, he wants my mind to focus on other things not propaganda. Being honest I can't see through it anymore, I tried for years, recently something just sort of caved in. War seems to be everywhere we go, either I see it or hear it. I don't know what's going on out there, it's loud.

Now we're back in London, my tutors were called off, lessons called off, he's moved operations until he's satisfied that my internal clock/etc has swung back into alignment. I have to game during the day, which is really odd when I usually do it from midnight until about three in the AM. I stared at the home screen for a few hours and turned it off. I wasn't going to say anything but I kept seeing posts on here and 'when did I write that?', for the previous years I'd have no way to track something like that, days/weeks/months don't register, but the posts did, I knew it was me who made them. He thinks what happened that first weekend in the UAE has something to do with it too, we were there when all of that started.

To change the subject though because I'm not to think about war.

And this is probably not a gender thing? but have you ever heard of Therians and Otherkins? I ask because Ravix told me that I asked a question last week (I can't find it) and I was looking for the English description. He said I was describing pet play, which maybe I was but I think I was just describing a normal day and then I realized he thought it was an Adult thing, but to me it's not so I cleared that up fast. He then mentioned those people and I'd never heard of them before. I did some reading and wasn't sure if I was insensitive for not understanding that someone can have the soul of a dragon if dragons aren't real, is that wrong? If you told me you were a different gender inside it wouldn't phase me, but if you said you were a plant inside I'd have no words. I read about plant people too. What does a plant do? maybe take many showers. I know what a cat or a puppy does, there's animation there obviously, I can relate and do.

Then I read about phantom limbs. Apparently a unicorn one feels an invisible horn and my mind couldn't compute that. I feel cat ears when I wear a pair but if I take them off I feel hair. I can look at my hand, he can call that a paw but I see a hand with fingers. I've been thinking about it ever since Ravix mentioned both. You know some things that we discussed in private and my understanding is that if someone else installs the DLC then I can't be those other categories. It sounded like it was a soul thing, even past-lives and honestly it made my head hurt and now I'm not sure if that's ignorance or it's just something so outside of my normal that there's a block there. If you said 'kat inside I'm a different age', that I can compute and I'd have a reference point because at one point I was that age too. But I've never been a unicorn, or a dragon, elf, werewolf and all of those others I read about, so many.

It feels like I'm being a hypocrite because of what you and I did talk about. My understanding was that those people identify with something like that because it's a community thing and a self-discovery thing? and for me it's purpose, companionship and unconditional presence. I had to do the research after realizing that maybe Ravix thought I felt phantom ears or something, I really don't, nor was it the other thing. The internet is useful but I don't think I made any head-way there. I discretely asked my Partner if he knew what the different between a pet and animal was. I didn't tell him why. He gave me a couple of examples and one of them was that in the wild bigger animals eat smaller ones when it's dinner-time, true I'd suppose, and that instead he feeds me when it's dinner-time. None of that applied to Therians or Otherkins. Am I missing something is it an Lbgt thing? You are one of the only people I can ask because you know all of the parts I can't mention, and those parts factor into why I tried to find any kind of familiarity with those other people/animals? and I couldn't.

A long time I was told to never talk to people on the internet if they identified as animals, it was after that man who told me he was quick-sand and would gurgle etc. I was told the animal ones would only confuse what was already there, but I was told things about gay people too and I've talked to you so many times to know that those things are wrong. What I'm asking is am I wrong about Therians and Otherkins? or do you even know what I'm talking about? I don't want to offend one if I ever meet one on here or elsewhere but if they said they had phantom ears and I said I have interchangeable ears maybe I would. Like gender, would it offend someone who was one gender if someone said they could toggle gender by mood. I do toggle things but not gender, or maybe if I see a Therian or Otherkin I just shut-up or run, or both.

It's like if I was at a gay pride and a group of people would be like "all sexualities are equally acceptable"! Well, yes, but that's not the point of this day or this movement.

• This actually makes sense, you mean as a movement it's the message and the message brings awareness that then needs to be adopted by everyone as a whole, but isn't. But the movement/day/event is there to bring attention to that particular kind of needed equality / while not ignoring the others.

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@GirlVersusGame @Tjuz

Honestly, i'm lost. And I think you're thinking about it too deeply at this point, so apologies for setting your mind on this. There was a comment somewhere asking what do people call it when people are inclined to act like animals, meow etc, and I was going to joke, 'well... that is Pet-Play', due to our previous conversations about certain things, but I decided to look up what it might legitimately be called to people outside of that, and found out there were people that identify as animals for whatever reason (probably for comfort or lack of human identity due to either trauma or a disconnect with the human world.) But I think it is most likely a harmless way for people to feel, even if it is something I don't personally understand - when i'm sick of humans I don't personally feel like an animal, I just feel like another sh**ty human. Animals do have a great outlook, though, and are pretty care-free beyond dinner, walkies and playtime. Oh no, that is pets again 🙃 but you know what I mean: There is no politics, no opinions, no worries, just a life lived. I just thought it was worth mentioning that it does seem to be a genuine thing in case it interested you.

And the rest of a later reply I wrote but didn't post i'll lump in here. I think i'm weird, but I know that I am, like I consciously understand myself, both my positives and my many, many flaws 😁 (and that is what makes me practically perfect haha) but you said there was a man who thinks he's quicksand that wants to gobble up women, and that kind of makes me think... does he understand that he is weird and thus play around with his weirdness, or is he one step away from suffocating people in their bedsheets as he gurgles, before blowing his somethings out against the ceiling? Maybe it is harmless, but i'd be really wary if it seemed like they weren't aware of the weirdness of it. Like, we should all be proud of what makes us unique, 'fluffed' up, weird, obscure, all that, it means we have lived and have had life experiences and are still living, regardless of any ups or downs, and being able to recognise our own quirks is important, I believe, because it is okay to be different 🙂 But yeah... I can only really focus on the quicksand guy you mentioned right now, it has taken over my brain. I wonder if they ever saw the sand guy from spider-man (my recall for actual geeky knowledge is still awful. I played the game with him in only a few weeks ago. I'll name him Marko Sand-erson AKA: the human desert. I think Marko was part of it, at least)

Who knows, maybe you made him up based on that spider-man baddy and you're hoping I work it out. (Again, this is me teasing and being weird 😛) Why wouldn't a man think he's quicksand, haha? Why wouldn't people think they are dragons? People believe all kinds of things, and as long as they aren't a danger to other people who are just minding their own business, so be it. And if they do endanger people, then hopefully the Batmen types will stop them.

So yeah, I guess if you wanted me to legitimately analyse the traits of someone that sends people imagery of women being devoured by quicksand, who then claims he is quicksand, that alone would probably cause my brain to profile them as 'one to watch'. Profiling and judging being totally separate entities, of course. Maybe he was just a weirdo (totally fine) maybe a sexual deviant and that materialised in a sand-based way for some reason? On a personal level, I'd think: gurgle away, my dude, if it makes you happy and doesn't hurt people, so be it. But the very specific case use of them kind of forcing that (i'll call it a fetish, for want of another word) on other people, i'd be wary of, because psychologically it seems like they are saying 'this is what I want to do to people', and the nature of quicksand is that it traps and suffocates people.

I can't believe this is a conversation we're having, either. It is certainly unique.

The other thing that popped into my mind from your previous post was "stupid bloody werewolves". I didn't know the Edward's dad reference, but guessed it would be twighlight and the 'other side' 🧛‍♀️ and that was therefore a funny way to shut them down. And why would anyone want to be bitten by a mangy dog when there are far better options, anyway.

@Tjuz I didn't look into it in that much detail, so the phantom limb thing is new to me. But you already know I have the horn for you, Tjuz 🦄 so feel free to wag your tail in glee as I reinforce that feeling for you with a head pat 😛 also, apologies I kind of noped out of our other conversations a while back. I don't feel very receptive today (this year). Okay, that was a reference to end on that you won't get but GvG will. But it fits a social lethargy online.