We're Ready To Play, Baby.

Hooray! If, like us, you’re madly excited about ogling ridiculously hot polygonal characters on your PSP while riding the train — you’re in luck. Tecmo’s announced that Dead Or Alive: Paradise is coming to Europe on April 2nd. Wahey!

Oh Innuendo...

Dead Or Alive: Paradise is coming to the PSP. For those not familiar with the Dead Or Alive titles, they have a creepy voyeuristic nature. Dead Or Alive: Paradise takes that further, as you’ll be asked to flirt and spy on the cast of ample-bosomed ladies present in the franchise. Honestly, we could describe the game, but the ESRB rating does it best:

“This is a video game in which users watch grown women dressed in G-string bikinis jiggle their breasts while on a two-week vacation. Women’s breasts and butts will sway while playing volleyball, while hopping across cushions, while pole dancing, while posing on the ground, by the pool, on the beach, in front of the camera. There are other activities: Users can gamble inside a casino to win credits for shopping; they can purchase bathing suits, sunglasses, hats, clothing at an island shop; they can “gift” these items to eight other women in hopes of winning their friendship, in hopes of playing more volleyball. And as relationships blossom from the gift-giving and volleyball, users may get closer to the women, having earned their trust and confidence: users will then be prompted to zoom-in on their friends’ nearly-naked bodies, snap dozens of photos, and view them in the hotel later that night.

Parents and consumers should know that the game contains a fair amount of “cheesy,” and at times, creepy voyeurism-especially when users have complete rotate-pan-zoom control; but the game also contains bizarre, misguided notions of what women really want (if given two weeks, paid vacation, island resort)-Paradise cannot mean straddling felled tree trunks in dental-floss thongs.”

You can also check out the hilarious trailer for the game below. Honestly, this game is cracking us up. The ice-cream! Watch the trailer until the ice-cream bit.

Click here to continue reading and tell us what you think

Quantum Theory Has Been Brandished With A "Late 2010" Date For Now.

Thought that announced March release date for Quantum Theory was suspect? Yup, us too. We guess it’s little surprise then, that the game’s been pushed back until later in the year. A rep for Tecmo Koei told VG247 that the game has been delayed for “quality” reasons and that the team were committed to delivering the “very best title” they can.

May aswell cancel those preorders then, folks. For now.

Oh We Want To Lady, But, How Old Are You Again?

There’ll be no fighting or volleyball in Dead Or Alive Paradise. Nuh-uh, this PSP title due in America this March is all about taking a vacation with some hot anime chicks. You’ll play mini-games with nine bikini-clad polygonal babes, befriending the ladies and unlocking new bathing costumes as you go.

As the press release states – “It’s a private paradise in the palm of your hand.”

Quantum Theory Will Hit Playstation 3 This Coming March.

Throwing itself into one of the busiest March periods ever in video games, Tecmo Koei’s just announced that their Gears-esque third-person shooter, Quantum Theory, will hit the Playstation 3 on March 26th here in the UK.

There’s a new trailer through here.

If you’ve been waiting for some meat-head cover-based shooting on your Playstation 3; y’know, something to fill the Gears Of War-void, then it definitely looks like you should invest some interest in Tecmo’s Quantum Theory. The above trailer could easily pass as a debut reveal for Epic’s latest Gears title.

Maybe Tecmo found their niche?

Dead Or Alive: A Lot Like This But With More Fighting.

Official Playstation Magazine are reporting that Dead Or Alive 5 is indeed in development for the Playstation 3, following reports we issued late last year. It would be the first Dead Or Alive to hit Playstation since the Sony published DoA2 8 years ago. The franchise has been an XBOX exclusive over the past many years.

Awesome.