Topic: The Chit Chat Thread

Reading this thread, especially with the now disappeared comments, was a wild ride. I hardly understood everything I read.

But a new user came, brought up a hotly debated topic and left, I guess? I'm just happy this is a place where people can discuss whatever is on their mind, and I learned today that I can enjoy these kind of interactions even without understanding them!

@Herculean But a new user came, brought up a hotly debated topic and left, I guess?

• Hi Herc, Someone was having a little bit of a bad day, which was none of their own doing. They brought up some things (nothing too controversial just rather personal, it came from the right place) then once they expressed those feelings (during a back and forth with others) they felt that what they said had been resolved and returned in a better headspace. It appeared to be therapeutic, which usually is the case when someone finds a way to unburden some of that load.

@Ravix is Vermines gone again? I just came back online and don't see her. She deleted the comment on one of my youtube videos so I don't see her over there either.

@GirlVersusGame I think so, yes. I don't know if I had a notification here or not, I feel like at one point it said 5 notifications but by the time I got back to the site I feel like it had changed (that may just be me seeing it wrong) but the formatting looked weird and the comments had shifted, so I checked the previous page and Vermine's previous posts had gone.

I feel the last few days sparked some really healthy chat on here between multiple members, so hopefully everything is okay. It has been a lot to keep up with, though. Last I saw she mentioned watching some hammer horror today, I think.

@Ravix Do you mind terribly reading my reply to her today and seeing if I said anything that offended her? It's rather short, but obviously it's new to me too so I don't want to have said something wrong about something so important.

I had been following the conversations over the last day or so but chose not to deliver any input as I don't think it would've been helpful.

I've been here long enough to know and I've seen pretty much all of you comment and post enough to know that there seems to be no ill-intent in your words and I hope nothing has been taken in the wrong manner.

I sincerely hope everyone is doing well.

@Kairuuu Thanks Kairuuu, and the same to you. Hope you are doing well.

@GirlVersusGame I didn't notice anything distinctly offensive or ignorant or anything like that. You are getting on really well, so I wouldn't overthink it like that. I may have been lost multiple times over the last few days trying to keep up, but I feel like everyone is chatting away and opening up in their own unique and guarded ways.

I do know sometimes even positive talk is a lot for people to deal with. And "taking yourself out of a social situation" is quite a common thing. Regardless of the nature of the social interaction, the actual social interactions themselves can be overwhelming. And that can be witnessed in something as simple as enjoying time in someone's company, but being glad to be back home and shutting off for a while. It is a sensation i'm sure we all recognise.

I don't want to guess at anything, and I am now probably overanalysing on your behalf, but that is my hopeful conclusion, if the act of commenting here is actually something that added any level of stress then the simple solution would be to take a step back. And it would be understandable.

Tldr. I didn't see any specific reason for anyone here to be worrying about having said anything wrong to anyone =]

@Ravix Thanks Ravix, I also asked for a second opinion from someone who's known me a little longer just to be sure. I didn't mention the context. I.E. that it was this forum, who it was in reference to, I just said it was someone who joined a chat I was in, and then relayed what I said but of course again I left out that context. It's her business, I just needed that extra piece of mind. It was bothering me for a couple of hours, you both more or less came to the same conclusion. Minus the colourful language.

I sometimes wonder if people would stick around longer if we were all just a bunch of ****s 🤔

@graymamba Is it common for people to leave so often? I generally just read the Movies thread.

@Vermines Reading, almost five here.

I may have (definitely) ended up staying awake a little. I'm kind of sleepy so if I don't reply now I'll reply tomorrow. Okay yes that was quite emotional to read, I'm not sure what to say so I'll sleep and think of something to say tomorrow. Then I can read it again with better clarity. There might be some parts I need to Google, I'm not sure.

@Vermines that certainly wasn’t me having a pop at you, it was more an observation about us as a community. We are the remnant of the pre-social media internet… and we’re dying on the vine despite our open, receptive and empathetic reactions to new members. It’s not anyone’s fault, internet forums are just the product of a bygone age that has been superseded by X, discord, Reddit etc

You don’t owe us anything, so you have every right to pop in and out whenever you please… so there’s no need for you to feel bad about your interactions here at all. You come and go as you please and you won’t be judged. I hope you get to a good place with the various issues that are causing you such distress.

@GirlVersusGame I couldn’t recall specifics but it does feel like we’ve had a fair few users which have joined the community and been fairly active for a spell… and then, just like Keyser Soze… they were gone.

@Vermines no one is thinking that you are upsetting any balance, and no one is in any way judging you. GVG was overthinking by wondering if they'd upset you in some way, causing you to leave. And you are overthinking and worrying that you've upset anyone on here. You really haven't.

We appreciate the openess you have brought here. So relax those thoughts =] if you feel up to posting, post, if not, there is no pressure to. From now on, if you vanish from the forum we will all know to just give you time.

As I said before to you and GVG, it is important to do what is best for yourself and your own wellbeing in moments like this. That is what matters most.

Next person to overthink gets a digital slap from me =]

@Ravix Will you be slapping yourself? Again.

@JohnnyShoulder of course not, if anything I underthink 👀

@JohnnyShoulder @Ravix 😁😁😁😁

I think both under- and overthinking should be met with digital slapbased penalty.
May I suggest the following scheme? The gentleman on the right demonstrating the technique used for overthinking with the gentleman on the left showing off how to handle underthinking

Thoughts?

@FuriousMachine I have a perfectly acceptable 'average amount' of thoughts about this scheme 🧐

Ah, I do love how you can tell John Cleese is starting to break his poise and laugh by the second to third slap, you can just see the corners of his mouth start to turn up from the side 😄

I needed some nonsense to get me through today, tbh. I think I must have eaten something bad yesterday as I tread that wonderful balance between feeling both terribly rough and rather quite delicate 😂

I'm almost tempted to mock up some more AI avatars better than Sony managed to. Any requests? 😅

@Vermines I know you said you don't want a reply but sometimes I'm stubborn and I've just had my daily coffee, this is one of those moments. I want to be clear that I'm not dissecting your words or thoughts to the point of counteraction. I just naturally have to take words and constructs apart to understand them, it comes from being in a place where the information that I want to know clashes with what I 'need' to know. (books are rebellion) Or rather people only explain enough so that they can imprint their kind of thinking onto you, that's why I've had a little trouble trying to understand 'some' of the things you are facing but not all.

I see a lot of similarities in our lives and that for me is quite strange, I'm not being flippant, it's true. You say you weren't ready to be out, I can relate with that but in my own way. Ravix thinks I'm paranoid because sometimes I have bouts of insomnia, that's not the case at all. I don't go anywhere alone. It might be hard to understand but I don't think I've ever been out anywhere alone so I can't even imagine what that might feel like especially if you aren't comfortable with your body.

A lot of people experience a kind of body dysmorphia, girls especially. Maybe we do it to each other? There's a lot of pressure to look your best and even when you do there's the nagging feeling that perhaps you could do better because of how it reflects upon the Person you are attached to. Which again is why I used the word trophy before. Then when you do feel your best you question if someone else is talking to you based on those looks, or who you represent. I joined this site last December and didn't want to be judged on my looks. Some people show interest for the wrong reasons and I don't like it. Some people revel in that kind of attention and think perhaps they do it because something is missing, or perhaps it's a kind of leverage. It's very hard for me to elaborate, it's very pot/kettle/black. Life can be very complicated unless there are guidelines to follow and not everyone needs them.

I think your idea of out and my idea both co-exist in some kind of mixed reality. We both perceive threats from the outside and unfortunately those threats can be very real. I don't like the idea of something bad happening to you or anyone else because they are different, you don't have someone with no neck to take those blows. It's such a disappointment that society can put that kind of pressure on orientation or self.

The truth is I was reaching out because I had to. I need help. I don't fit in normal everyday social media roles, I generally hate people.

• Why do you think it's wrong to reach out when you need to? I reach out to people all of the time, I've learned that loneliness only leads to bad thoughts and bad actions, against others and against yourself.

This might be hard to understand but it's possible to be in a room full of people, and still be alone. That's how I've spent most of my life, I don't want that to happen to you. I stayed up all night talking to ethical hackers (white hats) fixers and generally odd people just so I had someone to talk to. They know me but they don't 'know' me, they might agree with my goals, they might even care a little but I'll never know if they care because of what I can offer as a client or perhaps it's something else. I can't distinguish between the two. Perhaps war brings like minds together, I don't know. This is my first active one. I do however believe that it's also possible to be at war with your own mind, especially if someone has gotten in there and scrambled your senses. Which as I've already eluded to has happened. I kept my empathy and I feel tremendous empathy for your situation and for you.

You didn't bother anyone, caring isn't bothering someone. I provided an example of that last night. That person cared, to someone else it may have appeared as bothering them but they don't know that person. When they said they care I believe them, many times people like that have proved that they are true to their word. My word is my bond, I do care about what you are going through as do many others here. I'm sorry that it's overwhelming to feel cared for, I've been there too and there was no kind of commodity that could ease that inundation of doubts, fears and second guessing.

I understand what you mean by a safe space but listen for a moment. Cages, even gilded ones aren't there to keep others out they are there to keep you in. It took me a very long time to realize that. I've had safe spaces online and they never lasted. At least not on the surface-web and I really don't think you need to be delving into the deepweb, it's an acquired taste that requires safe guards and people who can help you navigate. In a way social media felt quite similar, my friend said overwhelming and that word definitely fits. It was overwhelming to me at first because I was connecting with strangers who were saying the nicest things and showering me with compliments.

It took a very long time to see the forest for the trees. This is why I now call it para-social media. They didn't know me, they knew my things and some how wanted to live parts of my life through my pictures. I was sharing nice things because to me those nice things were part of normal life, I had no reference point for any other way of living. I didn't just arrive on social media, it was curated. Like most of my life, someone else organizes everything down to the finest detail and social media was no different. I think in a way it was being used to reinforce my idea of what was normal. You emulate what you see, I saw the children of other 'business people' flaunting what they had, then that becomes normal because you aren't taught to be humble. It's done to remove your empathy so that when you do come of age you can do what needs to be done to ensure the machine continues to run, even if it runs people over. You have empathy, but you need to re-direct that empathy right back to yourself. Please don't judge yourself to the standards of social media, it's not a lens into peoples lives, it's a filter.

I am trapped in my head all the live long day. I have spent 7 years on my own and this year has been tough. I suppose on the outside looking in I am doing ok.

• Again this is what I mean by being at war with your own mind. I need to ask, if gaming is a hobby why not find a group of people going through the same thing and spearheading a kind of active in-game community/chat? I did that for quite sometime and it helped, I talked to people all over the world and while some people could do with maybe not chewing a straw on mic, or perhaps turning down their music, it's something. I stopped when my Ex decided I wasn't allowed to talk to other boys, which then evolved into other girls too. He made sure they heard everything, you don't have anyone looming over you like that. Perhaps take advantage of your time and see if it works? Or am I wrong in assuming transpeople socialize with other transpeople by default? It's a very confusing topic, but I don't find you confusing. I think there is strength in numbers and in unity, unless perhaps you don't like online games?

I've been on Hormones for 3 years

• Oh boy, welcome to womanhood chick. I can understand some of what you might be feeling, I've had a lot more than three years to balance all of that inner musical chairs. I've also learned to hold onto different emotions and compartmentalize them to fit the particular situation but that's a survival technique. That goes back to what I said about my behavior reflecting on others, and how every action has a consequence. You don't need to worry about that, but I think maybe you do? From where I'm sitting you appear to be suffering from mood swings, that's normal, compartmentalizing them is not. Unfortunately many of my tips to deal with hormones are either not PG or involve firearms, just not at the same time.

I have 2 friends, both far away from here in Cambridge, and I seldom see them as much as I wish. We call once a week, its great! But, I was looking for something else and I found it here.

• You found something here, that's not a bad thing. I found something here too, the only difference is I spent a year carefully watching how the cogs moved and deciding if it was a good fit. I did that for myself, no one else ushered me here. The irony is that now this and gaming are taboo and entry points to free thinking 'different' people and ideas that threaten how I'm supposed to perceive the world right now. People have said some things that did upset me but I understood where it came from, the entire internet was in that camp. It was weaponized by someone else, not the person, they were part of that feedback loop. I hate to say it but I've seen the same thing with sexuality, orientation, and different ways of life bit that's not the user-base it's some idiot with a throwaway account who is so bitter with themselves that they have to take it out on someone who can't defend themselves. One day they'll meet someone who can, then they'll sing a different tune. I mean what I said about there being strength in numbers, there are more good people here than bad.

I deal with a lot of hate outside, and I get a lot of names. I have to be careful who I trust. I have good and bad days, but my sensitivity to stuff has been climbing. I no longer feel that safe anymore. I have been living in my head too long. I don't know how to relax inside, or outside. It has been getting harder for me.

• Refer to everything else I said about our commonality. I wish you could feel safer outside and I wish it was the kind of safe that didn't involve a bulge in a jacket (I won't elaborate) I only know one kind of safety and only one way to respond. It's survival and involves that strength in numbers that I mentioned. I don't know what's happened to England, it too has been a curated experience. I only see what someone else needs me to see and when I do drive it's track days. That's not a road, that's a high speed hamster-wheel. I like cars but I never discuss them, I understand that divide. I don't know how they can fix England and help people (different or other) feel safer on the streets. In a way we walk the same streets but we don't. We breath the same air but we don't. Why do you think you triggered me? because I may have stayed up for a couple of hours worrying about another person? did you see what my friend said? 'kindness sticks especially with you', they meant that when I do care it's genuine care. I can't turn that part off. I turn other parts off when I need to but never that.

I felt inadequate. For instance, I know Q is not a derogatory term, and I know when its used as vile ammunition against us! But, why I couldn't articulate like Tjuz did, instead I reply with a google link. I felt stupid, like I had missed something and doubted my own own take on that term. If I could write like that, I would be so happy. God, I sound creepy......

• I'm sorry but my not being able to say a word that can also be used as derogatory for some is another part of myself that I can turn off. I don't swear, I'm not a prude it's just something that's frowned upon and goes back to what I said about enforced gender. I don't know if you saw my playlist when you left that comment, I like everything from classical to rap so I'm exposed to 'possible' derogatory words. I just won't use them if there is that doubt. The mentality I was given is that boys are soldiers and girls are princesses, if you keep enforcing that on someone even into adulthood you remove their ability to see it any other way and like I said we're at war on more than one front.

I didn't see a Google link, perhaps it was blocked on my end. I'm constantly trying to stay one step ahead of a system that wants to criminalize difference, my methods might seem elaborate and perhaps even baffling. Everything has a reason. Tjuz might be older (no offense @Tjuz) they might have more life experience, they may have (like me) had to learn English in such a way where articulation was key. I don't think you'll understand this but it's better to speak for yourself than to have someone else speak for you I.E. my choice being circumvented by an Intermediary. I had no choice, therefore I had no voice. You have one, use it. Why do you think you sound creepy? I've talked to so many deviants, groomers, the worst of the worst and you are practically Edwardian compared to a real 'creep'. Do I sound scary? I think sometimes I do but that's because so many contributing factors in my life and situation are, the result is isolation. I'm approachable here because I'm able to put myself here and show people who I can be when I'm given that breathing space (which is again taboo now) it's a luxury I'm not afforded offline. Those three men I mentioned were scared off by someone or something. I had to leave school because each time a body showed up in the news children made jokes that I knew who did it, I don't know what you went through in school but I don't think it was happy. I found my solace in homeschooling, it's not always practical but I'm grateful I had to chance to at least try the former.

Then I fudged it, because no matter how hard I try I cant succeed at the moment with social interaction and my head at the same time, and yet I need it. A perfect storm of push and pull explodes into this mess, and me having to explain again.

• That sounds like a hormonal imbalance, yes three years is a long time in numbers but the human body and mind are far more complex than one number. You are going to feel up one day, then down the next. You'll feel like you have lost your marbles but it's only your mind playing tricks on you. I once had to take ant-depressants and after less than a week I threw them into the snow. I felt like I didn't even know myself, I understand that from time to time people need medication but that was the end of it for me.

How can I expect anyone to like or love me in life if I hate myself.

• May I be blunt here? I understand the concept of love, and have seen all of the movies about it but no movie or book will ever explain it to me. It's not something you spell, it's something you feel. I think the people I've been with have loved me in their own way but you have to be careful with self-hate. Nothing and I mean nothing good comes from hate. It's completely self-destructive and unfortunately there are people who can and will find that quality in a person and use it to fulfill their own need to hurt. You're hurting enough. I would like to say that the answer is to find someone who loves you for who you are first and the rest will follow, but my belief is that like attracts like. You need to love yourself more, find the good in yourself.

I need no replies, that's not what this is about. I'm not mad! A little needy, but not mad. I don't need constant validation or attention. I don't expect a thing, but I will keep my comment activity to the news section with occasional smiles if its of interest. I wont make the mistake of trying again. I cant anyway at the moment. I loved getting to know some of you.

• You might not 'need' a reply but like I said above my stubbornness told me otherwise today and sleep brought a lot of clarity. I really don't like insomnia, my friend telling me to run in circles was kind of funny but they were right. I've been cooped up somewhere for the last few days and we're finally leaving for England. I don't really know anyone here, nor what we we're even doing here. It's an odd feeling to be somewhere and not know why, but it's one I'm quite familiar with. Perhaps you can relate in your own little way, however I do know why you are here now. What you call 'needy' is defined as lacking certain necessities that are required to live. I have all kinds of necessities that I don't need to 'live', but I do need human contact to survive and so do you. I found human contact in so many of the wrong places but you don't have to. You might think you are weird, and creepy as you put it but to me you are perfectly normal and pretty which might be hard to believe if you had so many people say that you weren't.

You are all so freakin smart its not even funny. I cant keep up. I have such admiration for you all. I have no skillset to speak of and I must have seemed so basic.

• I didn't wake up one day with a language, I worked hard to get there and still do. I don't think education is intelligence, it's what you are willing to absorb on your own. You need to absorb the fact that you are a good person and that you do matter. There are exceptions where a hobby may have been thrust upon me, but a lot of my reading interests aren't because like I said books are rebellion. Right now your mind is rebelling and a lot of it could be down to a hormonal imbalance which (I'm no Doctor) should in theory level off once you do finalize the surgery you mentioned. Would you rather have a skill-set that's of use to you? or that's of use to someone else? You do have skill-sets, you just can't see them. You aren't basic, nor are you the other word you called yourself above.

My parents were cold, ignorant and callous when they turned. and it was feral.

• I left this part until last. Family is everything to me, I'd die for them and they'd die for me, it's crucial to my upbringing. At the same time I understand what you mean by cold and that goes back to what I said about the removal of empathy. In a sense I did 'come out' but it was seen as an extra chess piece, not an inner quality. At the same time the piece that moves in an L (love) is the Knight and I like him too so to me it is an inner quality. I'm not forced to pick and choose like a bucket of Haribo, I can enjoy all of the flavors. You never really did make a choice, you are just you and I'm sorry but if your parents were too blind to see who you really were then perhaps they have to consider an eye exam. You may think you locked yourself away but parents know their children, even if they say they don't. If they admit the signs were there then they show weakness. What you showed is strength, they could do with a dose of strength too but it's not your job as their child to do it for them. You made your move on that chessboard and they need to respond less with their 'feral' emotions and more with the strategy that leads to clear and brings about the result that is healthy for all parties involved.

I fear some humour was lost on me, but seeing as I am the queen of bad jokes and irregular timing, I cant really talk.

• Humor is lost on me all the time, it soars right over my head like a jet. I might see the trail of smoke or have some kind of familiarity with how that machine operates but I'm forever trying to deconstruct every nut and bolt until I get to it's core. Sometimes that can be part of the language barrier, other times it just boils down to the fact that we are all individuals with our own quirks, oddities and eccentricities. It's better to own them.

Here's my favorite joke: What make of dog does Dracula have? A bloodhound Maybe it's bad, I like it.

Tdlr - You don't need to reply.

you matter.
you are loved.
you are needed.
you are capable.
you are beautiful.

Even if you don't see it.

@FuriousMachine @Ravix The correct way to use fish.