Topic: The Chit Chat Thread

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@GirlVersusGame I'll put my response here in the Chit Chat Thread as it's mostly not related to movies anymore, haha! First of all, I'll say I totally respect your decision not to use the word queer. You're far from alone with that, even within our community as I said, and you should ultimately say and do whatever feels comfortable to you. Anyway, queer identities are hardly something people know by default, so I wouldn't fault you for being able to give me one post-it note's worth of explanation. Especially when referring to social constructs like the idea of "queerbaiting" or what exactly an LGBTQI+ community should even be, because ultimately none of it should matter and we should all just be able to live as is without having to resort to labels. I can tell you I sure wasn't born with a big fat label on my forehead denoting I was gay, ha! I think my interests in what are stereotypically seen as "gay" interests for young boys is what did me in there. Your female pop stars, musicals, dolls...

I don't know where you're living and won't pry it out of you, but since you mentioned your friend moving to Europe to flee the demonisation as well as the stigma against it in general, I'm going to assume you're not living in the friendliest of places towards us queer folk. At least legislatively, because I've met so many people much like yourself who are incredibly open to it despite originating from a country that's known to be rather hostile. Like yourself, I've had plenty of talks with people in those situations and it always comes down to learning from acquaintances or moving countries. I've had to learn it through the sheer reality of living it, and that took me a while to get to grips with in and of itself. Let alone an "outsider" who isn't actively experiencing and dealing with all the stuff that comes with it. As you said, if you simply learn of something as being "wrong", it's a powerful phrase to keep you from wanting to learn more about it. Or well, I wasn't much of a rebel myself at least.

I was born in the Netherlands and lived there for most of my life, only having moved a few years ago to Germany. I've been one of the lucky ones to grow up and live my adolescence in places that were more accepting than most, but it's a shame to see progress be undone over time. I certainly wasn't taught in school either about what LGBTQI+ identity or sexuality actually consist of, aside from a paragraph in one biology lession acknowledging that homosexuality exists at all. I think it's gotten somewhat better in my two countries since I was a child, but there's still plenty of progress to be made. You're totally right in saying that there's hypocrisy even within the simple fact of being of homosexual, because two men and two women are looked at differently. I think it says a lot that nowadays it feels like that distinction is waning, but rather more so in a negative than a positive way where both are starting to get looked at as equally abnormal.

It's insane, but unsurprising, to hear you talk about arrests and raids in present terms. Like I said before, I'm extremely lucky to have lived in countries where that is not currently realistic, and to have been born in this current time after that progress had been made. Those kinds of stories I think of as past tense within the social climate I live in, but it remains a horrible reality still in too many places. I don't fault you at all for prioritising your own safety by choosing to avoid these kinds of films that are still so controversial (and occasionally dangerous) where you live. I'll be clear too in that I read nothing of your comments as any personal stigma. You truly do read to me as a kind and open-minded person when it comes to us queer folks, and you're simply in the wrong place at the wrong time to be able to engage with our issues in the ways you want to. That's not anything I personally hold against you, but rather against your society and its expectations. The fact that you've even been able to break free from that kind of indoctrination (which they will quickly accuse queer cinema of being as you said) shows to me that you're simply doing your best within the limits of your current situation, so don't apologise at all. You don't have to be afraid to walk on eggshells with me either, as I'm sure I've heard worse than anything you might accidentally say, though I obviously appreciate wanting to keep my feelings in mind with whatever you say or describe!

The fact of the matter is that is still a taboo subject in many places. It's horrible that you have to delete your internet histories for anything in fear of being monitored, let alone something as harmless as someone's gender or sexual identity. Now I completely understand having read posts of you before where you mentioned using programs like Tor or engaging in deep-web chatrooms! It's the way for you to keep safe from any malicious outside interference, and I'm sure that goes for a lot more than even just LGBTQI+ topics. It's great that you put yourself out there in this way however, even when knowing the risks it could still pose you. It's only good you're careful, and it's better to learn about terms like DEI or wokeness here than not at all! Like you said, it sucks that those terms have been either turned into a joke by many or are actively fought against. When you remove the power from important stepping stones like that, you're only actively encouraging the devolvement of society to where we can more easily swipe LGBTQI+ identities under the rug again. But then again, that's also simply the whole point for many...

If ever you're in a position to engage with queer media in a safe manner, do let me know! I'd love to introduce you to some fantastic TV, films or books that it sounds like would definitely capture your interest and let you fulfill your curiosity. But in the meantime, I'm happy to keep going back and forth on the topic for as long as you have questions or would like to know about my personal take on stuff. Obviously we're not a hivemind, so you'll have to view everything through the lens of how I see it, but I don't think I've said anything particularly partial so far! Just make sure to also let me know when you might want to give it a break for a bit, because as many of my fellow.... Pushers(?) here, I am known to be verbose. And this is a topic I can endless talk on, haha!

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@Tjuz Okay so you said pop stars, we gave the world the band TaTu, back then music like that wasn't propaganda. It was actually a kind of moving forward in a way but still selective because it was two women and they liked guys too, they were public about having boyfriends and made it clear that what was shown on stage was an act. That's how they managed to become so big, they played Moscow last month. Their shows now are more subdued and subtle because of propaganda laws. I still listen to them, there's never been an issues with that. If you asked me if I could name an openly gay singer? or a song that presents homosexuality as normal I could say Lady Gaga. She's too big to not know. Then I draw a blank.

When I used to go to TaTu's shows it was very different, more flags, people looking more openly together. 2025's Moscow show was very different, people were being careful. That's where I'm from Moscow but I also live in the UK and travel back and forth regularly. Being outside of Moscow doesn't mean not being careful, for a while there was more leeway, and that goes the same for a lot of kids who were brought up in political circles or in state controlled industries. Most were busy drinking themselves silly or blowing up instagram. That image rubbed off onto that whole community. To most you are a gangster or an Oligarch, you have to be one of them for people to put you into a box. Whereas before they hardly even knew you were there. That's what I mean when I say existing under the radar, it's not that you want to stay disconnected from other people and other groups it's just the way you are expected to behave and keep to your own. Which sounds suspicious, and that doesn't help things either.

That kind of box is where my mind goes when I try to understand the different groups and subsets under the Pride flag. It's not that I want to separate people into categories, it's the result of an already protective community (for safety) being completely blocked by an eternal controlling force. That block is something that is relatively new for some people, maybe even most people but it's always been there for me. There was always the mindset that the Cold War never ended and that I should not trust, associate with or mix with certain people, groups, nationalities. I bent a lot of those rules, especially through gaming. Before then I really did believe what I was told and I'm not alone in that. I knew people my own age who were given the same kind of grilling until it stuck.

Some of it did make sense, some I can't shake even when I try tonight. You've mentioned discrimination before, I felt that and it's why I didn't stay in school. That was just kids being kids. Now it's adults who don't know you hating everything they think you stand for. That's why I haven't watched the news or visited social media in two years. Maybe you experienced something similar in your own life (I didn't know there was discrimination like that in the UK and Europe over being gay) you mentioned pop singers and even dolls? My first Playstation games were Barbie and they were god awful. If I asked for something more male orientated I'd be given a flat no. There was no half way point, it was very clear that this is for you and this isn't. I don't personally think that's a healthy way to do it, but I understand why I had to do it. There isn't that same kind of microscope on the males of my family, it's more like boys with toys. They don't have to strive for perfection but they do have to do the heavy lifting so to speak.

I mentioned ice skating before, that was something that was chosen for me and in the end I took to it. If you liked/like dolls you'd probably like it. It's the closest you can get to flying without wings. Maybe other parents do push gender stereotypes on their children? I don't know if a child can choose or know who or what they are at that age but I believe that you did. I don't even know how to ask but since you liked dolls does that mean you identified as male but also had a feminine side that co-existed with who you already were and if so did that remain even into adulthood. Not just the sexual preference (because you are still gay) but your interests in things that sort of bled over from what people would usually say were reserved for girls.

I never had any kind of need or opportunity to rebel against gender but sexuality was never discussed. Until the whole grooming side of things, it will sound terrible but I learned more from that person than I probably would have ever learned alone, and I no way condone it. I had to learn somewhere. That why I left this site for a couple of months. I saw people expressing something that I thought was quite normal, it didn't seem sexist. Maybe they could have balanced the conversation better. I just felt like sexual repression creates confusion and in my case I'd rather have known than not known. That's why everything was pulled, games, internet everything. They wanted me to completely nail him and the others to the wall but I wouldn't do it. He talked to me for three years when no one else would. In the end they diagnosed me with stockholm syndrome and started all of the legal proceedings without me. That's one of my fears for children growing up now in Russia. If they are confused because what they are feeling is taboo, will someone else come forward to fill in those blanks and will they have other intentions. It happens on games. I once joined a session on Wild Lands and there were two men and a boy who must have been thirteen at best. I listened to them talking for a couple of minutes then grabbed a headset so they knew someone else could hear them, they dropped the conversation and never said another word. If I'm going by what I've experienced then for every confused child there's at least ten adults who are willing to join the dots, even though they shouldn't be the ones to do it. That's just men. To me the women were the worst, people tell children not to talk to strange men when really they need to add women to that list.

(I keep checking when I hear a noise so my post keeps jumping. It's almost 4am I started trying to answer this two hours ago. I think it's a fox or something.)

I did shoot from a very young age though and still do (kind of a masculine activity) that was as close to that kind level of acceptability as it got and also it's seen as protecting yourself. It's also the culture, everyone knows the hard man culture that you see in memes about Russia. It's pushed hard from an early age on a lot of people and if you are weak you have to get tough. Most guys I know have more tattoos than I have platinum trophies and most girls conform to that softer image because that's expected. There are exceptions, older ways are just more acceptable, especially now when people are being very careful. Everywhere you look it's 'we're returning to the older ways' which now looks like the whole country. Just yesterday I heard we'll fight to the last soldier. My brain translated that as this will never end. I'm not just saying that for myself, people are dying on both sides for nothing and to me it makes no sense but I have to pretend it does and go along with it all.

I haven't met an openly gay Russian man, but I'm sure I've met some who could have been hiding their sexuality. It's statistically impossible not to have. By the same token I know plenty of women who like me like both, in-fact I know plenty of men who look at that preference as a trophy. My Ex included, my current not so much but obviously the arrangement suits him. I try not to think about it too much. In a way it's like taking sexuality and making it a novelty, an accepted novelty. Then taking the exact same thing, reversing the genders and saying it's wrong. That's why I call it a hypocrisy.

Tor is definitely my go to, Telegram not so much anymore. A deepweb chatroom doesn't sound like the brightest idea but I've met some really good, funny and chill people on there. Some are there because they are deviants and you already know what to expect so it's whatever but others are fairly normal people from countries that have similar restrictions. I was in a room earlier tonight and people were talking about TV shows, really tame stuff. I've seen an uptake in people using those rooms and the reasons for being there are more and more turning towards personal freedom and expression. Before it was boredom, curiosity, and whistleblowers. Now it's a kind of tool for social survival. I do have actual social interactions offline but I'm very selective, especially now that I'm not entirely sure of who I can trust. There's a very strong sense of if you see something say something, it was always there just never this extreme. I have to keep reminding myself that we are in an actual war and that changing your stance on something can actually be seen as treason. I'm not worried of anything legal happening, that's out of the question. I'm worried of my time in the UK being cut short because of maybe fostering doubts. Or maybe something else happening. If I added propaganda on top of that, it would be bad. I'm not calling it propaganda myself, that's just the current definition and how it would be put. I'll say this last bit and go to bed. I almost think that part of the fear is that if you talk about these things you might magically turn gay, which makes no sense. You either are or you aren't. And if it's not that then it has be portraying a tough national identity. If it's neither then they don't know either because 'it's wrong' followed by no explanation doesn't cut it.

Also whats does this part stand for? I+ I know I had another question but sleep and a little paranoia isn't helping me remember so I'll say goodnight.

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@Ravix Why do you have to pretend that senseless wars based on what bit of land different people were squeezed out of their mothers on makes sense?

• The hardliner stance means you have to follow the party line and not your heart. If the stance is to fight to the last soldier (on the opposing side) then you accept that as the goal. An aggressive push like that leads to a kind of forever war with the West and a permanent wartime economy (which sanctions don't affect, even-though people think they do) I see it as a war, others see it as a military operation. If the last soldier isn't an actual person but an idea then your enemy is eternal. They are going after a way of life, not just a piece of land. You see the piece of land but you don't see how the country/minds are being remolded and that's the danger. It lays the foundations for absolute control. Children who were told 'these people hate you' come of age and are more in line with your original goal. People think it's Putin, it's more than that and I can't elaborate there. Just that if you build a nation of people who feel slighted by other nations and then you give them the means to do something about it they will. The last time I turned on Netflix the first thing that came up on that auto play thing at the top was some kind of Tom Clancy looking movie and the first line was something like 'Russia are going to do such and such to the dollar and cause all out war' so I just closed the App and did something else.

The Soviet Union was it's own kind of war-time economy, then things shifted in the 90's and we essentially went to war with each other on the streets to secure industry etc (a reason why it's still dangerous even now, people hold grudges and that's why I learned to shoot because I'd rather shoot back) that was chaos. What's happening now isn't, it's done through absolute discipline. You don't poke holes in the system when you are so deeply ingrained into it. Blood is very thick. I'm being really careful with my words but there's a term to beat some sense into someone. It doesn't need to be done if they already think you already fell in line and stay in line. If it were a 'war' there's the option of a peaceful resolution but not when it's a military operation, not if the goal is so permanent and ongoing. I'm not mixing words when I say there are a lot of people who want to bring back the Russian Empire. It's easier to keep your head down when surrounded with that mindset. If I was told 'yes it's war' then maybe I could speak up a little, but right now I wouldn't dare. Do you remember the Z during the start of the invasion? I had to wear a small silver one of those, but 'lost it' for the victory day parade. The narrative has been rewritten, it's not being shown as innocent people losing their lives, it's being shown as something to have pride in. To fight for your country against the West - who now hates you.

The world press backed that up by making a big deal about freezing assets that in the end were a drop in an endless ocean to most of the people who they targeted. Most of those vessels were 'lost' too and magically appeared in Russian harbors. It all amounted to nothing. The only thing that it did achieve was polarization. We were told they are coming after our Identity and forcing the language out of children. Media was locked down, it creates confusion. If I think you hate me and you try to explain what you think is the truth, will I believe you over my own people/family/country? It's highly unlikely, especially in my case where they were there every step of the way either because home is dangerous and people need to be protected or (and I need to put this bluntly) children can be assets, they inherit, marry into other families, keep things solid. I say children because there is no distinction between age when it comes to that kind of system and I don't know another word for it. Perhaps there is as far as gender is concerned, which goes back to the hypocrisy I talked about with Tjuz. I can push myself hard to explore other industries that I really enjoy and accomplish a lot on my own (mostly) but family always comes first above all else and the only way you leave is when you are no longer physically here. You've heard of family honor I'm sure, cases of it spring up now and then in the UK among other communities. It's a lot like that, except that faith and religion are replaced with power and control. If wrongs are done the community protects whoever did it, and even then what's wrong to you might not be wrong to me because I see it as normal. I can't elaborate there either.

I wasn't watching the news when that invasion went ahead. I was on a game that had zone chat. Do you know what LFG is? looking for group. Lots of communities arrange runs and groups by nationality, it makes it easier for language so you LFG in your own language. I knew a lot of people on there and within an hour I lost half of my friends, last I checked maybe 30% are remaining. I think some were looking for a reason to do it. I was never an Elitist gamer but I did run with all kinds of players and if you have a shiny new horse and I don't then that creates resentment. The only difference is that I earned everything myself, but that's besides the point and either way I deleted all of those games. I'm done with that side of gaming for many different reasons.

When I did look to the media/news it was all 'get them out of the UK' everything was dragged up and I mean everything. They went from 'thank you for providing jobs' to 'take their passports and bar them from entry to the UK' I understand peoples views but to me it felt like hate, it's like pushing someone out of their safe haven. I did leave temporarily and of course that was the end of any Western media's input in my life. It's been a complete blackout, partly because I can't take it and partly because I don't want to make waves back home. I don't know what's going on in that conflict and didn't know what Vermines meant about the Supreme Court (which now I think shocked her) I couldn't tell you what's happening in the world even when I'm in those countries.

I'm not afraid of the UK government cutting my time short or taking away my passport. My concern with the situation is being brought from A to B without any say in the matter, that's really not a hard thing to achieve. It's not about some kind of fear of being cut off financially either, I don't care about that. There's no where I can go where the scenario of that A to B can't happen. So it's better to just agree and keep my head down. I'm somewhere else now and I'd rather just be playing Satisfactory than doing whatever it is we're supposed to be doing here.

The paranoia is there for a reason. It's not that I think my internet history etc is checked, I know it is. It goes back to what I said about being an asset, if you have a business asset you protect it. They don't see it as impeding on my privacy, they see it as protecting me from truths that I can't handle, and from asking all of the wrong questions. If I had a nervous breakdown (worse case scenario) the public face of that business gets questioned, I can't have that. It's not awkward to me it's normal, it's not an overnight thing. People all around the world live in a kind of bubble and there are all kinds of reasons for it. The biggest one I saw was the DPRK, who we share a border with, who are also a security state, strongly geared towards a one party rule. It's similar for some friends in the Middle East especially the UAE but that's part faith and part tribal. It's not my place to question their way of life. I don't question mine either, I'm happy in that things can always be worse and there are people around the world who have nothing and nobody. I've been pushed to believe and to accept but not to act, which again could be worse but isn't. I've never been forced to hurt anyone, that gender divide ensures that it will stay that way. Which is why I said to Tjuz that I never questioned gender, it protected me and gave a structure to things. By the same token it's easier to not break the rules when you know what they are. I appreciate the empathy but once you normalize something it becomes part of your natural understanding, and to me certain things are normal that wouldn't be to you. The difference comes from feeling, it feels wrong for me to demonize gay people, it feels wrong to me to push armed forces into an innocent country. It doesn't feel wrong to me to shoot back if someone shoots first, they didn't we did and that's where I began to question it. A policy that provokes a response only has one outcome. Maybe some other things feel wrong too but the brain and the heart are two different organs and careful separation between the two can be achieved under certain circumstances. You can remove that kind of empathy, I still have some of mine. Do I agree with scrutiny and a lack of privacy? I'm not sure, it's too much of a personal experience and I have run into trouble online before so I get it. I don't think you can miss something you never had.

Also nothing you asked is nosey or dumb. I understand it's weird to you, some things are weird to me too. I'm just good at holding back that surprise. At least in text, if it was an actual one to one conversation it would be more obvious. Whenever it did reach that point in the comments section I pulled back, waited a day or two and deleted everything. Part of me wants people to know what's really happening because I do think the blame gets diverted, the other says protect yourself and go play Minecraft. Remember my ten year London build? I lied, I built it because if I did ever have to leave the UK I'd still have access in a way. That's why I never shared it in the Minecraft community, I don't care about clout it's more of a back-up plan. The more perfect I can build it then the more realistic it becomes, it's something I'll always have and to me doing that is normal. If you can understand that logic you'll understand a lot of my other thinking. And by mine I mean no one pushed me to do it or think it, it's something I did for myself and will hopefully never have to use. But I do want to make it clear that I'm not unhappy per-say, everyone has good days and bad days, you make the best of every situation. I believe you can adapt to anything, especially if it has a clear structure and carefully laid parameters. The more you are exposed to both the less something like happiness or sadness can affect your thinking. Something just is because it is.There's no opportunity for it to be something else because that something else becomes a statistical impossibility. Once you can balance the contributing factors you can have a healthy happy life. I just want people to be happy, I thought the UK offered that to everyone. Vermines showed me otherwise, that's why I couldn't sleep. It's hard not to feel for someone under those circumstances. You don't need to feel for mine because it's normal to me. Her situation isn't normal to her and she has to live with that every day. I can go back to that under the radar status at the drop of a hat because it's already part of life as I see it. I don't want others to have to do the exact same thing for such different reasons, it benefits me but it doesn't benefit her or anyone else who are different. I'm not different, my situation is but I'm not my situation which is why I'm able to fit in when I need to. I'll adapt to any situation as long as I have to.

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@GirlVersusGame I've definitely heard about TaTu and their connection to queer themes. Obviously everyone is familiar with "All The Things She Said", but it wasn't until much later that I found out they were considered so progressive back in the day. Like you said, it's at least some progress that they were able to show something like homosexual kissing at all, even if they weren't actually queer and actively rejected the label when it came to their personal lives. Nowadays, they're actually a perfect example of what people would call queerbaiting. Using queer themes to appeal to that demographic, but not actually engaging with it on any meaningful level. It's a shame to hear that even they had have to censor themselves in the current political climate, though. Queerbaiting or not, the fact that it's not even allowed at all anymore due to the propaganda is a step back in and of itself. And hey... if Lady Gaga is the only queer artist you could name, that's one hell of a place to start at least! One of the best we have to offer!

I totally get what you're saying in terms of how certain people are forced to act a certain way to conform to society's expecations, but that doing so when it's ingenuine to yourself will only put more of a target on your back eventually. As you said, I can imagine that goes for a lot more people than just the queer community within Russia, and it's a shame that that label will give off on any person who dares defy the expected standard. It's crazy to think that despite my growing up in a more open environment, the changes that I'm seeing within the countries I call home are stuff that you've been living with your whole life. I don't know what's the sadder part about that. The fact that when progress is made, it's apparently still so easy to regress to such a negative state. Or the fact that you've lived in that state for as long as you can remember with no progress to show for it, or as you said in the case of TaTu, possibly even further regression. I've talked with a Russian friend of mine about this topic before, who is in her early 20s and living in Berlin like myself nowadays, and she told me all about how her best friend who was gay in Russia had to hide his identity. He, as many others, had to be incredibly hush hush about it and use codenames for any queer-related activity in fear of retaliation against... just being yourself.

It's horrible that you had to leave your education because of discrimination. No child should be made to feel unwelcome at a place that's supposed to shape them for the rest of their life, whether that's socially or on an educational level. You make the distinction between discrimination between kids and adults, but if anything, that just goes to show that that level of prejudice can easily start at an early age and be brought with you into adulthood. If not, it shouldn't be an issue in either age group! It's good you're able to distance yourself from all that negativity nowadays by avoiding places like the news and social media, but it does sadden me to think that there'll always be something lost in that process. I don't want to speak for you, but I'd personally think it can make you feel pretty isolated from the rest of the world at times. You're preserving yourself and your own safety, but at the cost of letting yourself engage with the wider world and people. I don't blame you for it after everything you've said, but it's just a sad reality.

I'm lucky in the sense that I haven't experienced all that much discrimination on a personal level. My parents were accepting, my friends were unsurprised and I'm able to do the things I find interesting without having to fear my own safety too much. It's the benefits of my geological location more than anything, I'm sure. The worst I'll occasionally experience is some homophobic slur here and there out on the street, but it's never gotten to anything physically violent. I've even walked around in heavy makeup or drag at times, and I've always been able to feel safe.

I'm not really a sporty person, but you're really not far off when you suggest I'd enjoy ice skating, I think! The most interest I've ever had in actively watching a sport was figure skating, though I've never done it myself. Most of my experiences with ice skating ended with either my face or butt landing on the ice in an unpleasant way! I'm glad you were able to find enjoyment in it, despite initially being forced into it. It's important to have a good hobby that can give you satisfaction and distraction depending on however you feel at the time, and it sounds like it's served that purpose for you.

Yeah, I've always identified as male and never had any gender dysphoria. Like you correctly assumed though, I do feel rather feminine when it comes to my personality and interests. In a way, it almost pisses me off to have to write that considering the fact that nothing should be inherently seen as feminine or masculine, but for the sake of clarity I will stick with this terminology! My parents were luckily very laissez-faire when it came to what I engaged with. I'd ask for a Barbie movie box set or to go to a girl group concert, and they'd always be more than happy to provide it for me where possible. Most of my friends in school were girls, and they never mentioned it as anything weird even once. I'd be very extravagant and love glittery costumes when in talent shows or the like, and they never batted an eye as if that's not what a boy is supposed to wear. And yeah, a lot of these things remained throughout adulthood. I can't say I'm still obsessed with the Barbie movies, but I still mostly enjoy films that are either female-led or catered to women. I will still listen exclusively to female artists and go to concerts of theirs or to a drag show. I still have mostly female friends, and I will still happily put on make-up where I deem it appropriate! My feminine side hasn't left me at all, and it's always been where I felt the most comfortable. Put me in a bar with a bunch of men talking about chicks, watching football or talking about cars in very casual, masculine wear and I'll quickly feel out of place. It's why I prefer to frequent queer spots when going outside, because it ultimately does feel like it's the community I most fit in. It's obviously not that I have anything against people who enjoy any of those things and can still befriend them without problems, but I just know that in queer spots I'm more likely to find more common ground with the people I run into.

Sounds like you went through a very complicated relationship with this man. Like everyone else, I will always condemn grooming, but that in no way should erase the way you experienced it. Whether it was for better or worse in the end, I'm not going to make a judgment on, but I'm glad that you personally can look back on that time and see more than just negatives. If it would be just that, it'd have been a total waste of time and probably all the more painful to come out the other side of. Good intentions or not, having someone to listen to you and be there for you when you don't feel like you have anyone else is a powerful thing. It completely depends on the person if it becomes a remedy or if it brings you into a whole other set of issues, but the feeling of having someone there is the same for the individual nonetheless. For the record, I've never been groomed or the like, but I have been in abusive living situations since venturing out on my own with people I cared (and still do care) deeply for. People will be quick to judge and tell you to get out of there when you share exactly everything that's happening or happened, but it feels entirely different to live it and equally experience all the positive effects the relationship might have brought you. That's the thing that people always ignore, and understandably so, but is impossible to communicate to someone who hasn't been in a similar situation. Now still, our situations between grooming and what I've gone through are different beats altogether, but I think we do share some understanding on what that kind of conflicted relationship can feel like both during and afterwards. Horrifying to think you experienced second-hand what could've been the start of a grooming situation on Wild Lands though! It must be extra triggering for you having gone through it, but also made easier for you to recognise the signs and hopefully have been able to help by inserting yourself into the dynamic even just by listening in.

Am I correct in reading what you said as heterosexual men viewing being with a bisexual woman as a trophy of sorts? That surprises me. I'm not even sure what the thought process behind that would even be as why that's something noteworthy or inherently positive to have in a partner! It has honestly never occurred to me that the deep web could be for anything except illicit activity, so you're definitely shining a more positive light on what i didn't know it could mean to some. I have plenty of stuff to learn as well clearly, and it totally makes sense that that is a place where even regular folks might resort to if they feel like they have nowhere else to turn. I've never participated on anything in the deep web, but I know that for me being online and socialising there was an incredibly helpful lifeline through some really tough teen years. I might have searched it on the.... clear(?) web, but these chatrooms sound like they have the exact same effect, just in a slightly more secretive place. That's nothing to scoff at, and I'll always be in favour of anyone finding a safe space anywhere to interact and socially survive like you say. I'm not sure I would've made it through in the state I currently am without having had that, and coming out the other end a social butterfly and extrovert.

Ha! The argument some homphobes like to bring up where somehow being exposed to queer themes will magically turn everyone gay is always the funniest. It sure didn't make me turn out straight to see all the heterosexual Barbie romances on repeat as a child! And to answer your final question, the I in LGBTQI+ stands for intersex. The + is just for anything else that would fit the mold of our community but isn't explicitly named in the letters! You could also still make the acronym slightly longer with LGBTQIA+ (which is getting more and more often used), where the A stands for asexual.

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@Vermines Happy to see you back! Take all the time you need to adjust for however long you want to be here. Have a good start of your week!