Topic: The Chit Chat Thread

@mookysam

The only person in the world who's taken a Vita to cover a hospital stay at the end of 2019.

What an absolute hero! #VitaForLife

@mookysam Joining all the others in wishing you a speedy recovery, buddy!

@mookysam hope you feel better, i remember whenever i have to spend long periods in hospital how dull it can be but not only dull also a little scary because your always unsure as to what's going to happen next

@Foxy-Goddess-Scotchy @KratosMD @JohnnyShoulder @KALofKRYPTON @RogerRoger @FullbringIchigo Thanks all for your kind words.

@KALofKRYPTON That made me laugh. Vita is forever, after all. My stay shall push the Vita into further greatness.

@FullbringIchigo It was scariest at the beginning when I was brought in. Then I can't remember anything that happened beyond a certain point. Just basically going with it now.

@mookysam Sorry I’m late but I’m very much wishing you ‘get-well soon’ also. I wanted to make sure to tell you that before I did my upcoming marmite post because it is infinitely less important and more trivial than your current plight, so I don’t want to detract from our heartfelt thoughts on your behalf during this tough stretch laid up in the hospital. Hang in there.
Hopefully the next post I’m doing will offer some silly respite from your troubles ...

In honor of Death Stranding, I would like to post my own personal review of “An American’s First Experience with Marmite.”
Although I’m tempted to put this in the “User Impressions/Reviews” section of the forums, I don’t want to sully the thread with what may turn out to be open war and mudslinging vitriol. So I’m going to place it here, in the catch-all Fibber McGee closet of the site, where the discussion had its roots a few short days ago.

First, I’ll say, finding Marmite in the U.S. wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I was able to purchase it for the reasonable price from a market that specialized in international products. Although I clearly went there with the intent to procure some of the pasty controversial delicacy, on the way out I couldn’t help but see a lovely looking Fry’s peppermint cream dark chocolate bar which looked too tempting to pass up — The short review of the UK made chocolate bar is that is was delicious. Well worth the $1.50 I spent on that. And I’m grateful I got chocolate bar because it has helped me maintain some faith in the British palate. Because as you may have guessed, the Marmite did not fare so well.

First of all, I was able to get the small 4.4 oz. jar of the sticky goo for roughly $6. I was surprised at how small the jar is. At first I assumed that this must be a mistake because as highly touted as this delectable is, surely it must come in a much larger bottle. If this is even close to as good as peanut butter then this little jar wouldn’t last me but two sandwiches. Thankfully the small inscription on the label which stated “spread thinly” reminded me what others have said here on the forums and it was about the only favor I can say that the Unilever Brand Marmite production company did me.

I cracked open the jar and inspected the product. First with a nice whiff of the odor emanating and next with a poking and prodding of the stuff to check it’s consistently. Of course, the smell of it is awful, I would say even putrid, but on the upside, it did clear out my sinuses.

The consistency of it was likewise otherworldly... I’m not even sure what state of matter it exists in. Not a liquid, not a solid...maybe a gelatin?... I would say it’s a paste but it’s too sticky for that. It’s sits quite solid in the jar, will not run out if you invert the container, but when you put a spoon into it to pull some out it just leaves a long messy string behind like melted cheese. It’s a science experiment gone wrong. Likely it can power a nuclear reactor for all I could tell.

A pungent smell, and a sticky gooey mess... but what does it taste like? I first decided to try it straight up by itself. I cautiously scooped a tiny amount and placed it on my tongue. My mouth immediately burned and I involuntarily salivated and my eyes watered as if exposed to tear gas. Forget nuclear fuel, this stuff is a biological weapon of the highest order!

But I was not deterred, universally the advice had been to try it on some toast. Some like it with some butter and some like it by itself. So I prepared two pieces of toast, one I buttered and one I didn’t. Then upon each piece I spread a thin layer of Marmite.

I tried the unbuttered slice first.
I initially felt the bread helped to counter some of the taste of the Marmite and I thought I might actually be able to tolerate the strong unusual flavor. But after a couple more bites, I just couldn’t take it anymore. The after-effects left my tastebuds reeling in horror and I just had to throw the remainder of the unbuttered piece in the garbage. “It tastes so rancid, surely this stuff is spoiled?” I thought, until I confirmed the expiration date on the bottle is well into 2020. Nope. It’s supposed to taste rotten, I guess.

So I turned my attention to the toast which was pre-buttered before the marmite was placed. One last chance...
As I ate this piece, bite after bite, it was a much more pleasant experience. It wasn’t good, mind you ... but I was able to finish the entire slice. So either I was growing accustomed to the marmite flavor or my taste buds had been poisoned by the substance and I had lost my fifth sense completely. In actuality, I do think the butter helped as a counter to the strong marmite taste and dulled it. It was still disgusting though.

Joking aside, despite my preparation, I wasn’t quite ready for the taste of marmite. People had told me it was salty, which I guess it is, but I would describe it as overwhelmingly bitter. It does have something of a salty, earthy taste, but it’s so acidic that it is just too reminiscent of the aftertaste of the stomach juices when you vomit. And who wants to taste that on purpose?

So there you have it — an American’s first experience with marmite. I didn’t throw the jar away, but right now I can’t imagine a setting in which I will try it again. I think I’ll keep it around for a conversational piece or for party tricks.

Thanks to all who contributed to the marmite hype. I don’t blame any of you for your obvious taste impairment disability. I know you can’t help it.

@Th3solution The unrefined American palate 🙄

@Th3solution I love Marmite - but it does take a childhood of training to get just the right amount for you. I like anything from a light scraping just enough to colour the butter, or enough to fill a sandwich

I reckon you've probably gone a bit heavy on your application. Marmite can be a rather subtle addition if you get the application right; try on buttered toast again, but don't 'spread it' like peanut butter, or... well, butter - just scrape some over on a butter knife so you can see that it's there. Don't do this on cold-soft toast, the Marmite is too thick for that. I think you'll have quite a different experience.

As to the cost - it's been quite expensive for a while, I think for a couple of years it was actually more expensive (gram for gram) than gold!

If you don't fancy using it on toast or crumpets - try throwing some in to any minced beef dishes you make; chillis, bolognese - that sort of thing.

If you're still feeling brave enough, try Bovril instead - it's beef (or chicken) extract rather than yeast. So easier on the palette.

Ha ha I warned you @Th3solution that it was foul!

@Th3solution Hate to be the one to say I told you, buy yeah, told you so.

@JohnnyShoulder @Th3solution

@JohnnyShoulder Haha! I just had to experience it for myself.
@Thillho When McDonald’s come up with a marmite burger, then I think we’ll be on board 😂
@Foxy-Goddess-Scotchy I’d like to apply for entrance into your club, by the way 😆
@KALofKRYPTON Actually I think you’re right — I reckon that was the main problem with the first toast was my interpretation of “spread thinly” was still too much on the unbuttered, and probably even on the buttered one too. I’ll take your advice to heart and probably just put the smallest hint on the next time and if I have it with fried eggs and some yogurt or milk then I might do better.

Another question. I think I know the answer but — does the stuff need to be refrigerated after opening? I checked the label and it says nothing about it, so I figured that it is fine to store at room temperature, but thought I better ask. I have no idea what actual spoiled marmite would taste like, but it would either
A) be so foul that the taste would kill me on the spot, or
B) it would be so hard to differentiate from the regular acrid flavor, such that I wouldn’t know the difference so I’d be ingesting rotten marmite unknowingly.
...Either way it results in my death, so I guess I really need to know.

@Th3solution Just chuck it in the cupboard - I'm not entirely sure if it can actually spoil. I've definitely consumed Marmite after the 'use by' date and it was fine

@KALofKRYPTON Perfect. Thanks!
It will hold a place of honor in my cupboard. On the plus side, I’m thinking it will help keep ants and roaches away. 😉

@Th3solution There is an old wives tale that says eating it keeps mosquitoes away from you

@Th3solution This has made my freakin' day, thank you!

Not because I revel in the misery of others; I'm genuinely sorry to hear that you didn't like Marmite (although as I stated before, I disagree with the "you either love it or hate it" categorisation as I just think it's alright-ish). Especially considering it cost you six bucks for the smallest jar, which some believe is only enough for a couple slices of toast or, at a push, a long weekend.

I just reckon that this is one of the best reviews we've ever had on the forums. Genuinely, so well-written, funny, engaging and detailed. I haven't had Marmite in years, but I could taste it as I read.

Next time, just get four Fry's chocolate bars instead. All of us Brits can be proud of them!

@RogerRoger Haha, glad you enjoyed it!
Next up: “An American tries Blood Pudding, Steak and Kidney Pie, and other British dishes with extraneous anatomical organs and fluids.” 😜

@Th3solution A bacon, black pudding and Marmite sandwich on wholemeal toast will sort out any ailment (that's any ailment in the realm of man-flu).

@Th3solution Don’t forget a good bit of spotted dick too.

Alternatively, seeing as you already mentioned British chocolate, you could always go for this instead;

@Thrillho Oh my, what an unfortunate name.

Haggis, Toad in the Hole, ... if/when I ever make it to England, it looks like I’ll be living off of Fish & Chips the whole time. Well that and Fry’s chocolates.
That Marmite chocolate bar is aptly named though — “Very Peculiar”. 😂