PSN Avatars

Buzzfeed is so ridiculous that it’s already broken the fourth wall and started parodying itself, but there’s definitely a degree of entertainment to be derived from human stupidity. While we’re not diving down that rabbit hole, we thought that it was time to pad out the post-Gamescom hangover with an article that’s been sitting at the top of our ‘To Do’ list for some time: a rundown of the worst PlayStation Network avatars ever. Seriously, it’s a bit of a secret, but the European PlayStation Store has been receiving some of the most atrocious profile icons for months now. Here are some of our favourites – or, er, least favourites.

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Mad About Video Games

If your obscure role-playing game t-shirt collection wasn’t enough evidence of your video game obsession, this ‘Mad About Video Games’ avatar should properly get the message across to your mates. For maximum impact, pair this profile picture with a user name like ‘CrAzZzYGaMeR1998’.

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It’s All About Me

We happen to be quite fond of the TATU track All About Us, but this avatar is not recommended if you’re aiming to ingratiate yourself to your Call of Duty: Ghosts teammates. One glimpse at this avatar, and your squaddies will instantly out you as the selfish soldier that you are.

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Supporting Indie Games

“I’m supporting indie games,” said no one ever. Well, apart from perhaps Sony. Look, we adore the experimental excursions on the PlayStation Store as much as the next hipster, but we’re not going to emblazon this across our PSN profile in the hope of earning Fez creator Phil Fish’s respect.

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So Next Gen

What does this even mean? You can’t even buy avatars on the PS4 yet, so what’s ‘So Next Gen’ about defacing your PSN profile with this monstrosity. And what’s the old-fashioned binary in the background about? It looks like something you’d see on a BBC Micro, not a state of the art machine.

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☆Y☆

Here’s a good one for you: Y. As in: why the heck have you spent almost one whole British pound on this piece of crap when you could have invested it into something much more worthwhile? Like, oh, we don’t know, a self-help class to stop you from spontaneously spending money on this rubbish.

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I’m Dope

An avatar that we can all agree with: yes, you are a dope if you think that this profile picture is cool. We’re assuming that the hazing effect is a masked message about how using “dope” to get “stoned” is a valuable use of your time and energy. In which case, it’s even more obnoxious.

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Goth Gamer

There’s only one thing worse than goths: goths that feel the need to remind you that they’re goths at every opportunity – even though their black hair, panda eyes, and Marilyn Manson pins are dead giveaways. We’re guessing this icon is ironic, as a real goth would never have a pink and blue avatar.

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To Be a Gamer Is to Believe in Life

This sounds like one of those motivational quotes that you find on free calendars, except it makes less sense. We suppose that it’s saying that no one can ever truly appreciate life until they’ve played Ride to Hell: Retribution on the PS3. In which case, it’s absolutely right.

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I Am Human

For the Captain Obvious among you comes an avatar so ridiculously apparent that it almost beggars belief: I Am Human. No, really? We thought that you were some genetically modified sea monkey augmented with the ability to operate a DualShock 4. Bloomin’ heck.

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YOLO

We can probably all agree that anyone who uses the acronym ‘YOLO’ earnestly deserves to have their face stapled to a boiling cauldron of Nando’s Extra Hot sauce, but the insinuation that you have to play games that matter really gets our goat here. How does one even find out which games matter?

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100% Kosher

As far as we’re aware, kosher refers to the preparation of food in a way that’s in-keeping with certain religious beliefs. We haven’t got a problem with that – but do you really need to broadcast your dietary decisions on the PSN? It’s certainly not going to convince people to revive you in Battlefield 4.

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Not Tested on Animals

Without getting too political, we firmly believe in animal rights, and agree that unnecessary cruelty is unacceptable. That said, we doubt even the most menacing pharmaceuticals company would test a PSN avatar on lab rats. And if they did, the only outcome could be disgust at that awful dog drawing.

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Golden Boot

Ah, a golden boot, we get it. For those of you that aren’t football fans, this prestigious award is presented to the top goal scorer in a given soccer tournament. As a result, we can see why someone would want to have such an accolade as their avatar – but not when it looks like an overripe banana.

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London Hot Dog

Look, if you want your PSN profile to boast a clip art image of a hot dog with your hometown written in mustard across the wiener, we won’t hold it against you. Exactly why you’d want such a ridiculously random icon is beyond us, though.

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I Love Girl Gamers

You’re getting yourself into hot water with this one right away. Why the need to specify gender? What is it exactly that you love about girl gamers aside from anatomical differences? If you can answer either of these questions, then we recommend keeping the responses to yourself.

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I’m Not a Geek, I’m a Gamer

The lady doth protest too much. It doesn’t matter how much you deny it, people are going to realise that you’re a geek if you’ve got the Platinum Trophy in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim and Dragon Age II. We’re sorry, but no matter what you say, a nerd is exactly what you are.

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Billionaire’s Club

The irony with this avatar is that maker Populus Media is charging £2.49 for it – significantly more than any of the other awful icons on this list. Considering that it’s simply atrocious, we can only assume that it’s a social experiment, designed to see if anyone has more money than sense.

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Clouds

No, you’re not seeing things – this really is a picture of some fluffy white clouds. You know what, this one doesn’t rile us as much as the others, but considering you can barely make out the texture of the cirriform clusters, it’s just a really, really bad avatar.

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Egg Face

Nothing says “I’m wacky” quite like an egg with a ridiculous expression Photoshopped onto it. We wonder how long the designer spent working on this. Moreover, we wonder if he or she ever once stopped to ask: why would anyone buy this? The fact that this can be purchased right now, suggests not.

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16-Bit Toaster

We’re as fond of the Mortal Kombat toasty meme as much as the next guy, but do you really need to display a toaster on your PSN profile? Look, we love a Grade 5 slice of white with Marmite and margarine in the morning, but we’re not willing to dress our online presence with a kitchen utensil.

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Everything I Know I Learnt from Video Games

This is not something that you should ever say on a first date, as the person that you’re wooing may get the wrong impression. We’re not saying that you can’t learn everything from video games, but considering the state of the industry these days, we doubt that you’d get very far if you tried.


Are you aware of any worse PSN avatars than these? Which of the above atrocities do you think is the most deplorable? Cringe with us in the comments section below.

Which of the following PSN avatars is the worst? (55 votes)

Mad About Video Games

  0%

It’s All About Me

  0%

Supporting Indie Games

7%

So Next Gen

  0%

☆Y☆

4%

I’m Dope

5%

Goth Gamer

5%

To Be a Gamer Is to Believe in Life

13%

I Am Human

2%

YOLO

15%

100% Kosher

2%

Not Tested on Animals

2%

Golden Boot

  0%

London Hot Dog

7%

I Love Girl Gamers

9%

I’m Not a Geek, I’m a Gamer

5%

Billionaire’s Club

9%

Clouds

2%

Egg Face

7%

16-Bit Toaster

2%

Everything I Know I Learnt from Video Games

4%

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