@GirlVersusGame "Being older as you said, do you think about it?"
Yes all the time. I'm not super old, I'm in my 50's. There is no book written as to when we are supposed to start wondering about death. Everyone is wired different in this regard. Some people have families, kids, are super busy and they don't make time in their brains to start thinking about it. Prob not until they start having grandkids. I wouldn't know. I've been the loner type my whole life. Never married, never had offspring. I have two older sisters and they never had kids either, so I was never even an Uncle.
I would imagine most 50yo's don't start thinking about death yet. 50 is past your prime, but not even close to the later stages when health probs starts taking over and things of that nature. It can happen by 50's but we all have different luck when it comes to when health probs kick in. Some kick in at birth for the unfortunate.
However, in my case, I think about it all the time, because I hope it comes for me sooner rather than later. I really don't want to be here to be quite honest. I try to make the best of it and I succeed for the most part. There's many, many layers to this and events that have lead me to this place. That's not a discussion I care to have over a gaming forum. Its too personal. And it would be selfish of me to go into it even if i wanted to. So with that said, I'll post a couple songs instead. And yes the pun is intended. No band is more fitting for this topic. I always express how I'm feeling through music, not through my own words.
@GirlVersusGame "I don't think it's selfish to share though, I'm not saying you have to. I'm saying that sometimes people forget that it's okay to open up a little and I think there's often pressure on people to believe it is wrong to share"
Actually, you misconstrued a bit. It's easy to misconstrue plain text. So, it's nobody's fault. It's just what happens with text lol.
But one of my best and worst qualities is I'm very blunt, honest and not afraid to say whatever I want at all times, speak my mind, or express my feelings. If I'm really battling a bout of deep depression at a given time, I would feel no shame in telling someone about it. Some people have liked that about me in the past, but man it has made me some enemies in the past as well. But I'm wise enough to know when and where to do it. Therefore, I will never post my true thoughts and what I'm going through on the push square website, in the forums section. Lol
I'm very old school with certain things. One thing I can't stand is social media. I don't believe in facebook, or twitter, or myspace (back in the day). They are just platforms for people to vent their *****, that nobody cares about. I'm not saying that I don't care about how others feel, I do, very much so. But IMO if you are not close enough to a person where you can call them and say "hey i need to talk" then that means they have no right to know your business and they really don't give a F anyways, so. That's just my opinion though and I understand that.
There was a valuable lesson I learned when my father passed away 3yrs ago. You never find out if you have any true friends, or how selfish someone truly is until someone very close and important to you dies. Yes, I've been a loner for a while now, but I wasn't always in this cocoon. I used to have a few close friends and many acquaintances from when I worked int he restaurant biz for over 30yrs, that were close enough to at least reach out to me whenever something bad happens to me or with them, or theirs.
When my dad passed away, I did not receive one text from anyone giving me their condolences. Nothing. Radio silence. There was not one person at the services that was from my old friend group for me either. My sisters had a couple of their friends there, the real close ones. But some absent that should have been there for them. And of course, Aunts, Uncles and neighbors there for my family and to pay respects, but obv you would expect them there and I'm just talking about people outside my family. But nobody from my own personal life. Not one soul there for me. Not one text or call sent to me. By then I was very comfortable being a loner and I accepted it years ago. But even after the acceptance phase of being 100% alone, I didn't realize that a lower level of feeling like an alien in this world could be achieved until this happened.
Is a lot of that my own doing because I choose to be a loner? Yes, and I take responsibility for that. But not all bridges were burned before I decided I want to be left alone, so. The fact is when you really boil it down, nobody really, honestly gives a F about anything or anybody but themselves. I really found that out when my father died. People care about themselves and their immediate families in this day and age and that is it. Nobody else.
So with all that said, I do not care about what people would have to say if I had a friend group on a Facebook page. And I would never tell them how I'm feeling either, because as I stated, they would not really give a F anyways. It works both ways. I probably ranted too much on this topic for my own taste, so I'll end it there and try to lighten things up by posting a song.....remember, i speak best through music. Always remember that when you see me post a song here
This song is just so perfect right now for what I speak of. Its the epitome of everything I just said in this message. I couldn't find the lyric video, so I have to post the lyrics separate. I hope you read them, they just make so much sense at this moment
Its called "Mybestfriends.com" lol. lyrics below video
Are you still the one I used to know?
Where is the fire in your eyes?
Do you remember all the things we used to share?
Your strong words gave hope to me so many times
But now there's only silence when we meet
These are the darkest of your days
Where are your thousand friends?
And who will guide you through the night
As all the lights went out?
The lights went out
In the darkness of your room
The only moment you feel free
The solidarity you feel
Is only solitude you share
Solitude you share
These are the darkest of your days
Where are your thousand friends?
And who will guide you through the night
As all the lights went out?
This is where they want you to be
Wasting all your thoughts and passion
The solidarity you feel
Is only solitude you share
Solitude you share
Your strong words gave hope to me so many times
But now there's only silence when we meet
These are the darkest of your days
Where are your thousand friends?
And who will guide you through the night
As all the lights went out?
Went out
All the lights went out
I'm going to start deleting my previous posts, it's almost my bedtime. Feel free to edit or remove anything, I read all of your replies and it's very late at night so I doubt anyone saw what we discussed either way. I'd rather respect your privacy.
@StitchJones I want that crow? or raven? I couldn't sleep, jet-lag told me that four in the AM was eight and so 'it's time to wake up!', it wasn't but I did manage to get to sleep after watching so many of those videos. Before I Forget had more than a few replays.
Sugar almost ended me, I can't unhear it. I woke up and needed to hit play again.
These will ruin my favorite songs but it's worth it.
These violent delights have violent ends & in their triumph die, like fire & powder Which, as they kiss, consume.
@StitchJones I was in Russia for Christmas (ours is January) then Kuwait for a time, then Paris (Fashion Week) then Dubai (Russia versus England MMA fight etc) and now I'm back in London since maybe two days but this is probably temporary too as we're going somewhere tonight in Europe for Valentines Day weekend. It's a mystery, and hopefully not too far, I'll know once we get there. I usually get one hours notice for travel then we're gone somewhere else and either I bring a PS5 or I left one there previously.
I still feel four hours ahead, W/we travel most weeks. He does business and I mingle when required or game, I'm on his time not mine and very rarely in the same place for too long, nor is my sense of time. females in my society don't work, it looks weak on a man if he has to send a girl out there to bring home a cut and technically I'd never have to regardless. What you said about things since birth, it's something like that. Your parents had children for one reason, mine had one to inherit, it's how we do things. I'm not lazy, we just live by different old world rules etc. I was raised by a strict gender divide and still abide by it which means I'm not allowed to work and when I busy myself it has to be at home. Which is fine I don't like going outside either way. Russia is a lot different in those regards, especially very old Families like mine.
But also why I have so many platinums. When I said house pet to you I meant like literal, my language is sometimes blunt like yours too. It's not travel like vacations, just one home to next etc but the daylight/night-time is biggest difference. It's very hard to have a proper sleeping schedule. Everything else is just cars to plane to cars to another room with a different view or skyline. I think sleep is a real luxury, he has ways to naturally regulate mine but there's no permanent solution to jet-lag. A one hour or two hour difference is fine, I made that journey to Moscow every weekend for years when I first moved here.
That four hour+ mark throws off a lot of things and there's the temperature changes. It was from -15 in Moscow to over 30 in Kuwait, almost overnight, I don't think humans are built for that kind of constant or drastic temperature shift. I've never done tourism either so it's not like how you say exciting, it's just business and we never stop expanding, which means we never stop traveling. If you see me posting throughout odd hours on here that's why, most of the time I don't even know what day of the week it is. That's more or less what constant travel does to a person, games then become the kind of stability, time doesn't change in a game therefore it's easier to sync with that virtual space and then find balance.
These violent delights have violent ends & in their triumph die, like fire & powder Which, as they kiss, consume.
@GirlVersusGame Whenever I hear someone talk about their lives and the things they do, especially when its traveling a lot, or being from a different country that I can't relate to but sounds fascinating to me because of how different it is from the US, or listen to a very intelligent person on a podcast talk about the Universe, Astrophysics, Quantum physics or other mind bending science topics, it all makes me feel like such a small and insufficient human being. I chose to be a loner, accept it ages ago and will not change, too old to bother. But at the same time, I hear these things that make me feel small and it reminds me that there's an enormous, interesting world out there, that is begging to be explored.
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