@Kidfried Now you officially know your first Martian word.
@AgentCooper I wanted to say that I'm sorry about your dad, and I think having a sense of guilt about how you approach such a situation is natural. For myself, I... couldn't bring myself to be the room when she passed. Other family members took on that burden for me. And even though she wasn't conscious during that process, I did feel guilty, and still do, sort of.
@ralphdibny It hadn't even crossed my mind that the subject might be triggering for people.
Sorry about your grandad. Considering you describe the experience of his passing being "profound," it sounds like you're in a healthy place with regard to that particular loss.
@HallowMoonshadow Everyone has different comfort levels in terms of talking about themselves. Admittedly, the (wonderful) outpouring of support from people on here is a bit awkward for me, since I'm typically someone who emotionally isolates when grieving or processing some sort of uncomfortable emotion (which actually caused some concern a few months ago IRL with some of the people around me; had to sit them down and assure them I wasn't going to "do anything drastic," which was also awkward, lol).
@Thrillho There are a few activities I might just permanently retire now. Toejam & Earl, for example, was her favorite game, and one we played together literally thousands of times. It's a great game, one of my favorites, but I have no idea when or if I'll ever want to revisit it now.
I'm sorry to hear about your sister. My own sister is sort of like a second mother to me. I'd be equally gutted if I'd lost her.
@RogerRoger I just know what it's like to be a helpless bystander to the pain of others. It's not that you don't care, but when there's nothing you can do for them, and when you're not sharing their pain, it just becomes a bit uncomfortable, and I don't really want to put others in that position.
And, to be clear, that remains the case, even though I did open up. I just feel like the people I talk to on here deserved some context how I've behaved recently.
By the way, since I have no idea where else I'd post this on the forums: did you, uh, happen to see the announcement about that Sonic the Hedgehog murder-mystery adventure game? April Fool's came a day early, it seems.
I just read the BMX man’s how it became a stick club game article. Wild stuff. I will say though, it stated off with stupidity. Making a bike riding game M so you don’t censor swearing in the music is just a stupid idea. How crazy that idea was absolutely opened the flood gate for everything else to go downhill.
Also, some of his rationalizations about Walmart not selling the game was kinda dumb. They sell guns, but strip clubs are a no go.
Yeah, those aren’t comparable. There’s a reason you’d be okay with a kid watching a video where someone shoots a rifle at a target, and not one shot in a strip club.
But still, interesting to see how that game happened.
I do wonder sometimes if I'm being a bit too... Surface level at times with people I would genuinely consider friends. It's a hard balance to strike.
It's funny ya know, I do feel like I "know" people on here. I mean, obviously I don't know anyone's real name (except @kyleforrester I assume 😂) but most people's personalities (or at least, that which they want to portray) really come across very well in their forum posts and you are no exception Foxy!
People talk about all sorts here, their jobs, where they come from, their family, their gaming tastes etc. I think the only thing that surprises me quite a bit is people's voices if I ever play online with someone (which is not often to be fair) - it's never the voice I used to read their posts in. Read in my head by the way, I am not some weirdo who reads every post out loud while guessing people's accents 😂
But yeah, even if people hold certain parts of their life back here they can be quite candid about other parts and you can sort of paint a picture really, even if it's an incomplete one. I don't know if that's impolite to do but I think it's probably a natural thing that humans do when communicating with eachother.
Without trying to come across like I'm quoting something from a Fast and Furious movies, this place can a have proper family vibe to it. Helps that there are quite a few of us that have stuck around for a few years.
It's better than family in some ways, well different at least, but in a good way. I think the anonymity helps. I get super embarrassed talking to my actual family about anything personal and even most of my friends. I have got a lot better at it lately but I still need work.
I have often doubted about sharing something personal here. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't. When i think about it rationally I know the people here, and how I have always been treated with respect. On the other hand there's that voice that says "they don't care". People here do care, though, I know that for certain. I hope you continue to share what you want to - and similarly everyone should also free to withhold whatever they deem too personal.
I get that sometimes too, even for little things. I don't even neccesarily worry about people caring though, more that I might just get a negative response. But I am always proven wrong.
Well mostly always 😅, there are a couple moody people on here. I think sometimes the negative responses can seem like the "loudest" though if that makes sense even if they are few and far between. I've certainly belayed a post if certain users are fairly active at the time. It's normally pretty insignificant stuff but I don't always want to be talked down to about something I've just made a passing comment about.
. Because all of the neurotic hand-wringing I did, all of my planning and mental calculations didn't do a thing to protect the people I love. The universe is not in our control.
Sounds like you've gone from one end of the spectrum to the other. Hopefully you'll settle on a more balanced POV eventually if that's what you want.
It is so very very tough to balance control and chaos and also to accept and enjoy impermanence (because it can be joyful when you make the most of your time) while also trying to make plans to make your future as comfortable as possible.
I feel like I'm balancing that future planning with impermanence on an almost daily basis at the moment with regards to other things going on in my life. I just have to keep reminding myself that it will settle down in time, one way or another.
For myself, I... couldn't bring myself to be the room when she passed. Other family members took on that burden for me. And even though she wasn't conscious during that process, I did feel guilty, and still do, sort of.
Sorry to quote this, I am sure it was tough to write. I know the feeling of guilt is natural but I've talked to a few people since my grandad died and asked them their experiences of being present and they were vastly different from my own...
As I've said, mine was profound and I don't regret it at all. Like it seemed really important for me to be there and to see it happen. Someone else I spoke to about their experience said it made them more misanthropic. Another person told me they regretted being there completely and it was one of the worse experiences of their lives and they will never do it again for anyone else. Another person just wasn't that bothered by it, well that's as much as they told me at least.
So it does seem like its different for everyone and it probably depends on where someone is at in their own life as well, whether they can deal with it or not. I don't think you made the wrong decision though, it sounds like you did what was right for you in that moment and that's all that really matters. Don't let anyone tell you any different.
@ralphdibny It hadn't even crossed my mind that the subject might be triggering for people.
Sorry about your grandad. Considering you describe the experience of his passing being "profound," it sounds like you're in a healthy place with regard to that particular loss.
Thank you, by the way. I certainly thought I was back when it happened! 😅 Like I even spoke about it in my speech at the funeral. How I was able to healthily process the emotions by being in a place in my life where my then state of being hyper emotional allowed me to let it all out.
Well, I've kind of stabilised since then which seems both fortunate and unfortunate. I feel like I'm holding back a lot more now so I can actually function and when I think back to the day he died, I've found myself stifling my tears because the thought comes at an inopportune moment.
I think I need to set aside some more time to properly grieve. But I am a bit too scared to do it alone and to be honest, I have kind of gone back to being embarrassed about being upset in front of people which is kind of annoying. I'm sure something will happen at some point and the moment for tears will come at a better time but who knows.
With regards to the triggering, well I was actually going to write my experience out in detail. I didn't want to forget it and I wanted to see what others thought and hear their experiences. I don't think it's triggering (at least not unfairly so) to mention that somebody has died.
I chose not to write about it here though because as I was forming what I was going to write in my head, I realised that it might actually be quite upsetting for some people. I considered putting it all in spoiler tags with a disclaimer but I just decided not to in the end.
I've spoken to a few people in real life about it though and obviously got their consent to talk about it first so they knew what they were getting into.
And sorry to hear about your bereavement too @ralphdibny I hope you’re doing alright too.
Thank you mate, yeah ticking over! I'm sorry to hear about your sister too. I feel the exact same way about posting online. People are there to listen and the anonymity means that your real life isn't affected by people's perceptions of you. I also think people online are just distant enough as well that they don't feel the need to make small talk. Which if you are having a good day and their small talk refers back to a disclosure you made on a bad day, well, that can really put a downer on your good day!
Hi @ralphdibny thanks for the warm welcome back, how are you getting on? I’ve just realised I’m yet to reply to your psn message, my sincere apologies.
Thank you mate and no worries, my time on both Xbox and PS has been severely cut down for various reasons so I'm not on either much anyway!
Sorry to hear about your dad mate, what I said to Ral above rings true for you too. You handled it in the best way you could at the time and you should never feel shame about that. You might learn from it for future but you did what was right for you and anyone who tries to fault you for it can get stuffed. If you ever need a semi stranger to talk to, just give us a shout on PSN or Xbox and we can try and work something out.
@RogerRoger did you claim the sonic game from steam in the end? I claimed it but I haven't played it yet. Sounds like it's a solid couple of hours of entertainment!
I feel like the April Fools jokes have been quite elaborate this year between a full Sonic visual novel game and Limited Run's GBA Video Cartridge of Night trap. Unfortunately I can't justify dropping £60 on Night Trap for game boy advance right now. I did quite want it but it's too expensive for me right now! Luckily Sonic was free!
But yeah, even if people hold certain parts of their life back here they can be quite candid about other parts and you can sort of paint a picture really, even if it's an incomplete one…
I’ve often wondered if any of the Push Square forum regulars are famous people incognito. I’m pretty sure @kyleforrester87 is actually Taylor Swift.
But yeah, even if people hold certain parts of their life back here they can be quite candid about other parts and you can sort of paint a picture really, even if it's an incomplete one…
I’ve often wondered if any of the Push Square forum regulars are famous people incognito. I’m pretty sure @kyleforrester87 is actually Taylor Swift.
@AgentCooper I'm glad, I used to be a bit of a stubborn know it all frankly - I guess that's not uncommon for people in their teens and early to mid-twenties! In fact, when I see people so sure of things I do sometimes worry that I have gone too far the other way haha. I can still dig in when I need to, especially professionally, but I don't take it all so seriously anymore. I dunno, maybe it doesn't come across like that. I'm not smart enough to pull it off anyway. I see all my faults more clearly these days, not that I know how to do anything about them.
@RogerRoger @ ralphdibny Visual Novel gags seems to be getting pretty common these days. I can’t say I’ve played any of them, but I love seeing it and it’s a neat way for the genre to attract more attention. I personally wish we got more of them on PS5. Especially because they sometimes improve visual novels for me on the console versions.
@AgentCooper I’ll reply here rather than the other thread but baby is all going well thanks! Just hit the 6 month mark and started to try weaning which has been interesting so far
Being back at work has been alright actually. The wife is pretty good at dealing with most things overnight and I’m such a heavy sleeper that I often don’t notice any problems! The harder part for us will be when she goes back in another 6 months.
@kyleforrester87 haha I'm not sure to be honest. I think you give a fair description of what your days look like but I've never considered how tightly wound you were 😅
@Th3solution almost certainly, though I do have a confession. I am secretly The Rock. 😀
@AgentCooper thank you. Grief wise, when I've lost other family members, that like uncontrollable breakdown has always come like months, sometimes years after it actually happened. I did wonder if because I was there and in tears for it, whether I'd actually still get that delayed emotional response later on.
Talking about random tears, I used to get it a lot when I was driving. I used to travel a lot either for work, to see family or friends and even for uni many years ago. Just being alone in the car would often allow me to get lost in my thoughts and emotion. I don't think I was crying for any particular reason though.
@HallowMoonshadow haha I meant more like tone of voice rather than accent. I think I read everything in my accent anyway 😅.
Yo, I have watched Super Mario movie for second time. It was still great, I didn't react as many as first watching. Here is the cinema place I watched.
I watched the movie at Tunjungan Plaza 5 XXI on 10th floor.
Yup, I must use some escalators to reach the 10th floor.
There was a Super Mario movie standee over there so I took photo before watching the movie.
There were also some standee from other movies over there but I didn't have interest with them.
There was also the table to buy the ticket with application on monitor.
The room I watched the movie in Tunjungan Plaza 5 XXI was a little bit smaller than Pakuwon Mall XXI, but I still got seat C for better view.
During watching the movie, I didn't hear many laughs from the funny scenes as I knew some of the kids watched near of me still have no idea to expect something funny from Mario stuffs.
Well, maybe I will watch again... for three times after 2 weeks before end of April 2023.
Usually I watched the movies 2 times if I have some interest from first time watching.
But if I didn't really impressed, I only watched once and never want to watch them again.
The only time I watched the same movie for 4 times was Aladdin live action movie 2019.
That was before pandemic so I watched the movie once a week.
@AgentCooper Well we’ve started bathing the little one after dinner as it’s a rather messy business. My wife goes to bed early so I give the baby a bottle at 9 and 10, changing her into her sleep clothes between the two and she falls asleep easily but keeping her asleep is the issue!
Family aren’t nearby but the mother in law comes down to help, especially when I’m doing an infrequent evening shift. Once the wife is back at work, she’ll go back 3 days and I don’t work Thursdays so we’ll have nursery care a few day a week. It’s a really nice place which isn’t too far from us so should all be fine.
7 years is quite the gap though but I can see it being a lot easier than a small gap so that, like you say, the older one can take care of themselves to some degree.
Just signed up for PS+ Extra for the year. I try to limit the number of subscription I have on the go, but there’s some serious value there, that’s hard to ignore. I’ve also been impressed with the monthly additions.
Went through the list & added everything I’m mildly to very interested in, to my download queue (~30 items).
I was saving the likes of GoT & HFW for the PS5 as ‘showcase’ games, but I did cave with GOW:R on PS4Pro.
It’s like an all you can eat buffet. Not sure where I’ll start. Probably DQ XI or Yakuza 7 just to mix things up a bit, followed by Miles Morales.
Also very excited to check out Evil Genius 2. Can see myself investing ungodly hours into that game.
Lives, Lived, Will Live.
Dies, Died, Will Die.
If we could perceive time for what it really was,
What reason would Grammar Professors have to get out of bed?- Robert & Rosalind Lutece
@Fight_Teza_Fight I was pretty disappointed with Evil Genius 2 to be honest. It is very repetitive and the fact you never change lair means any early mistakes you make in your layout in the game can affect your whole game.
I also had a game breaking bug after a few hours so had to completely restart. It’s been a long time since I had one of those!
A cool premise but a bit of a letdown in the end. At least it’ll be free for you!
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