Never thought I would have to use my own support thread but here goes..
I am booked for an appointment with a doctor on Friday after work as have hit a massive wall, I have had suicidal thoughts for the past month and a half non stop, I have tried to make myself happy during work, doing exercise, playing games and watching film, and interacting with people on here.
But it just isn't working the way I want to, if it wasn't for my loved ones and my younger sister especially I would have taken my life by now and I just feel so alone, I have friends but not as many as I used to have, but even if I did, I don't know if that would help.
I get anxious a lot and suffer from multiple panic attacks per day when I have to control myself from breaking down and have to block myself in the Work toilet in the fear of someone noticing my vulnerability.
I am just feeling so low and feel like I am worthless, so before I do something I regret, I am going to the doctors in the hope of receiving some form of medication as I just don't know what to do anymore.
Sorry to be such a downer, but I needed some place to vent it.
@DonJorginho Thanks for sharing. That may seem like an odd thing to say, but I can appreciate how difficult it is to open up about such things, even if you're doing so anonymously on a web forum. You aren't alone in isolating yourself, as you describe. Happens to the best of us.
The fact that you want things to change, and have taken a step to seeking help, is a huge win. You might not be able to see the entire way out, but you can see the doors you need to try opening, and you're trying one now. That's a big victory on your part; it might not feel like it (and you're probably in for a rough couple days, waiting for Friday's appointment) but, trust me, it is. Wanting to get better is half the battle, and it's the hardest half, too. You've done a good thing today.
These are just words on a page, so I'm sorry that they're likely gonna fall short of the company and comradeship you need right now, but I genuinely hope you'll be alright.
Given the plan you've put into place, I'm certain you will be. Hang in there.
"We want different things, Crosshair. That doesn't mean that we have to be enemies."
@RogerRoger Thank you for the kind words, I cannot fathom how much it means to me for your kindness and support, you are one of the best people on here and seem like a genuinely great person (unsure if you're a guy or a girl so I will say person lol).
It has been rough for a while and I decided there is only so much I can do and it would be a good decision to get a professionals advice, whether it is counselling or medication I go onto, I truly believe it will help and I want to make this year a great one so want to fight this with all my strength and as early on in 2020 as I possibly can.
I definitely feel similar to the ways you are describing, where I can actually see the light through the crack and know I just need that little push to finally prise the door from its hinges. And don't be silly, your words are of such value to me and your kindness intertwined with those words mean just as much as having a companion so seriously thank you, thank you a lot.
I would love to get in touch with some people on here (including you) on other social media sites such as Twitter if you use them as it would be nice to talk to more mutuals outside of PushSquare and have more direct conversations.
And thank you for holding out hope for me, and I am certain your hope will come to fruition once I see a Doctor and get the ball rolling on what will hopefully be a very good change in my mental health.
@DonJorginho That's kind of you to say. I was just passing through, so right place, right time I guess! And I'm a guy, so feel free to bloke up those pronouns if you'd like (but you're right, I always play it safe and say "they" or "person" until I know for certain). Thanks for the consideration!
Best of luck with your first steps into seeking professional help. It comes in all forms nowadays; I've worked with support charities, the NHS, specialist doctors and private counsellors over the years, all with varying degrees of success. It might take you a while to find what works for you, because we're all unique and there's no "one size fits all" solution. Keep at it, and try not to treat any minor setbacks as an absolute (as I once did; the first counsellor I ever visited was so rude and dismissive that I swore off any kind of mental health support for years, which only damaged me further).
Your determination is your greatest asset. As long as you want to get out of bed every morning and make things better, then you will. If you ever find that you lose that, reach out. At least now, immortalised on this forum, you've got a reminder of your strength and sense of self-worth that you can look back on in those low moments. Bookmark this page someplace handy, so that you can say "Hey, y'know what? I actually do wanna get better, and that means I will."
Alas, I'm nowhere else on the internet (to protect my own sanity). You're more than welcome to add me on PSN using the details in my signature. I try to keep all my various devices separate, so if you message me there I won't see it until I switch my console on to play something, but I'm occasionally feeling social enough to chat. If you see me online, feel free to say hey!
In the meantime, if possible, treat yourself to a new game, something uplifting and fun that you want to see through to completion. That should keep you going until Friday's appointment.
"We want different things, Crosshair. That doesn't mean that we have to be enemies."
@RogerRoger Right place and time for sure! None the less I am still grateful for your kindness and support man so thank you a lot (as you said, bloking it up 😉).
I will definitely keep an open mind with professional help, and will try my best to not let any bad experience phase me and set me back further and I will build on the advice you are giving me, and I do hope you are in a much better place now as you do seem very strong mentally (which I wish was an attribute I had!)
I will definitely come back to your advice and this thread whenever I feel myself slipping but am hoping that professional help will give the equipment to finally climb the mountain we call Mental Health and hopefully I will reach its peak!
Ah smart choice to keep your internet presence to here as I can assure you Twitter can be rage inducing if you run into many popular trends and see some of the "clever" opinions. However I will definitely add your PSN at some point later tonight and will pop in a little message to let you know it is me!
And I treated myself the other week funnily enough to a 40" 4K UHD HDR Smart TV and have got some games to get through to enjoy on the new display.
My picks are between Horizon Zero Dawn or Metro Exodus (I got those both around November for my evergrowing backlog and am wondering which is more worth experience first.)
@DonJorginho Vent away chap - it is a good thing to tell others how you feel and not to feel ashamed.
I'm not expert but these things are ups and downs I find and there is often no rhyme and reason. I think it is good you focus on you and going to see the doctor is a big first step. Medication is good but so is finding a space to talk to a professional and spend that time being able to express yourself.
I think opinions are changing and that people are realising that feeling this way is not the way life is meant to be experienced and seeing someone is no different from any other condition or symptom you need help with.
Just remember that the night is always darkest before the dawn.
Now I may be an idiot, but there's one thing I am not sir, and that sir, is an idiot
@Rudy_Manchego Thank you kind sir, I am definitely looking into either Medication or some Counselling as I feel either will be beneficial to me for now and in the long run.
I agree the whole stigma on Mental Health is changing and society is a lot more accepting as it is is something that affects even the best of us.
I will remember that and again thank you so much for your advice and kind words, I will have to give you a follow on Twitter later!
@DonJorginho Thanks for saying that I seem mentally strong, because I'm really not. The words I type are who I'd like to be, and the anonymity of PushSquare gives me the freedom to practice without judgement or question. I'll get there someday, just as I'm sure you'll reach your own summit!
As @Rudy_Manchego rightly says, opinions are changing. You'll get a lot of support and understanding from unexpected quarters, so just be honest with people. If you don't give the doctor / counsellor an accurate picture of your issues, then the help they attempt to administer simply won't work. It's okay to not be okay. Nobody is shy about buying a Lemsip to treat man-flu.
Hmm. I've never played the Metro games but I hear they're quite bleak in parts. Horizon is a stunning experience. There's some hardship in the story but, once you're past the cutscenes, you're free to wander in a gorgeous world, taking pretty pictures in Photo Mode. That'd be my choice!
"We want different things, Crosshair. That doesn't mean that we have to be enemies."
i gave up on mu mental health years ago, sometimes something is just too broken to fix
i don't feel anything for anyone anymore, i don't care about my self anymore, i just live from day to day doing what i have to
the only thing that brings me any kind of feeling is playing video games
i know i'm done but it's nice to see some people are at least trying to help others now a days, i just wish that was around when i needed it
"I pity you. You just don't get it at all...there's not a thing I don't cherish!"
"Now! This is it! Now is the time to choose! Die and be free of pain or live and fight your sorrow! Now is the time to shape your stories! Your fate is in your hands!
@FullbringIchigo No-one is ever too broken to fix mate, especially when it is regarding mental health.
Have you seen professional help? Taken up any activities outside Gaming?
I am in a rut myself but I am good at talking a good talk and actually am better at helping out others than I am at helping myself so I assure you I would love to support you and give you some advice and let you know that you aren't alone and people care about you deeply.
I am sorry that this help wasn't around when you needed it most, but I promise me and countless others would be willing to give you a form of help now, regardless of your mindset, there is never any harm in trying again and trying to help yourself mentally.
I can relate to your situation heavily and am genuinely sorry for how you are feeling and am seriously here for you, if you want I can leave my Twitter which I can contact you on outside of PS and can talk to you daily about issues, life and yourself in general.
@RogerRoger has rather eloquently given you the most important and resonant advice @DonJorginho that could possibly be given to you... The fact you've sought professional help is a big step in the right direction though as he says it will take time and patience to find out what will ultimately help you.
Just take it one day at a time and if you do slip up, try not to chastise yourself too much. We all are our own worst enemies at times, especially so with our little inner demons.
I had (well I still have in a way) some troubles with some rather gutwrenching circumstances at work before the christmas break.
Even though I haven't told anyone here what exactly happened the wellwishes I recieved from all the regulars on here in the forums, as I left for a little over a week to clear my head, was very heartwarming and really did help me... especially to not lash out at something that had in particular set me off (An ill timed joke that wasn't in the best of tastes anyway)
... As for the games I'd personally go with Horizon myself, but if a bleak post apocalyptic train ride across Russia fighting mutant animals and the vicious morality of mankind ends up easing your troubles then play what you gotta 😊
Previously known as Foxy-Goddess-Scotchy
.
.
.
"You don't have to save the world to find meaning in life. Sometimes all you need is something simple, like someone to take care of"
@DonJorginho i'm pushing 40 here and have been living with it for decades now, ever since primary school, there isn't really much that can be done now because it's become my norm, I don't know any other way to think or live and as strange as it sounds trying to change now is worthless for me and while i don't feel anything about anyone or myself i have found a way to live like that and i don't think i could handle anything "upsetting the apple cart" so to speak
it might sound odd but i have a strange kind of balance and that's enough for me
"I pity you. You just don't get it at all...there's not a thing I don't cherish!"
"Now! This is it! Now is the time to choose! Die and be free of pain or live and fight your sorrow! Now is the time to shape your stories! Your fate is in your hands!
@JoeBlogs Thank you for the kindness mate it means an awful lot, funnily enough I have never actually played Chess! I always liked the look of it but was always so overwhelmed by the rules I always ran away from it.
However for the time being whilst I potentially read up about it now I am a lot older and hopefully wiser, I will make an account on the site ASAP and send you my details?
@DonJorginho Feel free man - I would also vote Horizon just because it is pretty absorbing and quite exciting and has a likeable cast. Basically, I just loved playing Horizon.
Now I may be an idiot, but there's one thing I am not sir, and that sir, is an idiot
@DonJorginho I found Yoku's Island Express the ultimate pick me up game. Not the usual thing I play either, but definetly made me feel a whole lot better after playing it.
Life is more fun when you help people succeed, instead of wishing them to fail.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
Forums
Topic: Mental Health Awareness/ Support Chat
Posts 21 to 40 of 136
Please login or sign up to reply to this topic