In what should be considered definitive proof we live in the objectively worst timeline, Rockstar actually rejected a pitch for a Grand Theft Auto movie starring none other than Marshall Mathers, Eminem himself. Worse, it was during the height of Slim Shady's powers, in 2001, fresh off the success of both the record-breaking Marshall Mathers LP and the Academy Award-winning film 8 Mile.
The news comes to us via an interview between the BBC and games industry veteran Kirk Ewing, a personal friend of the Houser brothers, Sam and Dan, the founders of Rockstar. According to Ewing, a Hollywood agent approached the brothers with a $5m offer for the rights to a movie, starring Eminem and directed by Tony Scott of Top Gun fame. Sam Houser reportedly responded to the offer with a simple "not interested".
Ewing elaborated, noting that "they realised that the media franchise that they had was bigger than any movie that was going on at the time." Ewing himself designed State of Emergency, published by Rockstar Games and released on PS2. Around the time the offer was made, GTA 3 was itself blowing up in a major way. These days, the Grand Theft Auto franchise is a sales juggernaut, with a sixth mainline entry in the series currently in development, which suffered an unfortunate and high-profile leak a little while back.
Could you think of a single human being better suited to star in a Grand Theft Auto movie in the early 2000s than Eminem? Do you think polite society would have literally imploded if such a thing had come to pass? Lose yourself in the moment, and don't ever let it go in the comments section below.