Republished on Monday, 31st October 2016: We're bringing this article back from the archives to celebrate Hallowe'en today. The original text follows.
Originally published on Tuesday, 28th October 2014: As I think about all of the horror games that I've played over the years, there's one that keeps barging to the forefront of my mind. It's a title that won't be rubbing shoulders with shining examples of the genre – such as Silent Hill or Resident Evil – but still manages to represent one of the most chilling gaming experiences that I've had in recent years – albeit for all of the wrong reasons. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present Zombeer.
This atrocious PlayStation 3 shooter has you attempting to find your girlfriend during a full blown zombie outbreak on your college campus. Like any great boyfriend, you've been off getting drunk in a bar while your better half has been spending time with Chancellor Colon Duty [No, I'm not making that up – Al]. As such, you'll need to battle your way through the shuffling hordes in order to rescue her.
Zombeer hopes to bring even more class to proceedings by also including a mechanic that has the player character continuously chugging beer. This apparently forestalls your own transformation into one of the undead, so you need to constantly pick up the titular beverage – after all, we all know that there's nothing more fun than having a constantly depleting timer that results in 'game over' when it runs out.
Even putting aside the naff arsenal of weapons, clunky graphics, and unresponsive controls (it doesn't even allow you to invert), the part that really turns Zombeer into a truly extraordinary gaming horror story is the humour that it tries to peddle. From the grotesque female zombies with chests that jiggle all over the shop to the dildo that acts as your melee weapon, the humour aims so low that it might as well be subterranean.
At this point, you're probably wondering why I'm writing about a game that I clearly didn't enjoy – after all, I gave it 2/10 in my review. You're also probably wondering why I'm writing about this travesty in a series designed to highlight good Hallowe'en games, so why don't you gather around the campfire and I'll tell you a tale.
There was a time when gamers the world over would complain and nitpick about the games that they played – they'd even gripe about those that deep down they knew were actually pretty good. They'd moan about games not being 1080p, or because they thought that there were too many indie titles, forgetting that some truly awful experiences were out there lurking in the shadows.
I dared to delve into the darkness, writing about this particular experience in the hope that other gamers would heed my advice. In plunging to such lows, though, I've found that it's made my outlook on all games brighter, for I will never forget the horrors that I encountered in gaming hell.
So, the next time that you think that 900p isn't enough, or that the latest PlayStation Plus games suck, be careful, because Zombeer can hear you, and it's hungry for brains. Don't believe me? Take a look in the mirror, say Zombeer three times, and you'll see just how bad games can really get. Should you survive, you just might return with a new found appreciation for your pastime.
What's the worst horror game that you've ever played? Scream where no one can hear you in the comments section below.
Truly the most horrendous game ever made.
The kind of game that makes you wonder if there are way too many zombie games out there ... and just for the record, I love them.
Great article Alex, but unfortunately I can't wait for the thumbnail to sink from the front page. It makes me feel sick every time I see it.
@ShogunRok To be honest, I concur.
@get2sammyb @ShogunRok Every time it's pushed off the front page, I'll find another reason to write about it.
I've never heard of this game before now lol. There is a lot of complaining about games these days...I don't usually, but I admit I complained about Destiny. I feel I missed out by not experiencing the horror (for all the wrong reasons) of Zombeer at the time.
I'm trying to think of the worst horror game I have ever played...possibly Silent Hill: Downpour. I have played some truly shocking games in the past...I'm old enough to have experienced E.T the game for example, one of the most famously broken games ever.
Great article. I gained the same appreciation for games with my time playing with all the low-budget indie trash and alphas on Steam (and also Battlefield 4). Playing a game that just works is good enough for me now.
Though it was a N64 game for minute.
You know, I actually this article was kinda funny in a way, like a horror story parody. That said that opening image is ulcer inducing.
As for the moral of the story, I've always appreciated games as they are and not what they were supposed to be, so I'm okay with some games as long as they're fun. My favorite series of games is Ratchet & Clank. Why? Because I always have a blast playing the games even though they had the same formula for about 8 years.
This also kinda segways (if that's how you spell it) into things like resolution and tech. I don't really comment much on articles that deal with 1080p or something like that because I don't care too much and never can notice it, so wah. I get that it is important but seeing people refuse to play games because the resolution isn't super sparkly is kinda silly in some respects. If it's not broken and it's fun, I don't see what the problem would be.
My favourite Playstation zombie game of all time is Dead Rising 2.
But... the timer killed a lot of the fun in that game. They created this awesome sandbox, filled with hilariously inventive ways to bash, slice, mulch and electrocute the walking dead... and then forced artificial time constraints on you so you can't just enjoy strolling the malls and casinos re-killing the undead.
Read Dead Redemption's Zombie Nightmare was pretty special too.
There's nothing all that wrong with lowbrow humour (Saints Row does it with aplomb), and T&A isn't by definition a bad thing either.
I don't doubt the game sucks as a game, and I do think it's stupid to put baps on zombies (note: stupid, not necessarily OMG ORFENSIVE), but the game is clearly aimed at teenage guys and fratboys.
And, in the words of Michael Bay; "Oh dear what a crime."
I..... I need to play this.
I don't know why, but I have this sort of morbid curiosity about these things. I played Ride to Hell, I played Homefront (and actually liked it), I played Eat Lead, and i played Rogue Warrior (and laughed my ass off at it) and I wouldn't say I enjoyed them (homefront not withstanding, honestly. I liked it. I liked the story even though the gameplay wasnt great) but I got something out of them. Bragging rights, jokes, whatever. I just feel like I need to give them a go.
Not Blue Estate though. That was just offensive in every way. That game is pure evil.
Honestly, I think you just played the wrong version of this game, at 30fps and probably 720p with console grade textures, a lot of games look like ass,
the steam version of this game was amazing, campy is a good word to describe this game. It controls just fine on PC, it didn't take itself seriously, and was just fun to play. Also, I'm not sure why the amount of weapons is an issue when the game barely lasts 3 hours. I'm not going to bash your taste, but I feel like you didn't even give the game a fair shake, part of what tells me this is that you refer to the game's "booze-o-meter" as something that instantly kills you if run out, it doesn't... you have some time after that as a zombie to get more beer. In short I think the game was an excellent execution of a parodical FPS, not dragging on and with a copious amount of humor it's worth your time if you have a spare $10 or $6 on steam right now, thanks to the Halloween sale. Also, currently it's sitting at an 87% user approval on steam, just as food for thought.
@Ghouldude Firstly, welcome to the site. It's always nice to see new members of the community leaving comments.
I'm glad you enjoyed playing Zombeer on PC, but my biggest problem with the game - its crass and unfunny humour - can't be fixed by jumping to another platform.
I'm a hugely positive gamer, always looking for the good in anything I play, but I just couldn't see anything but a steaming pile of garbage after finishing Zombeer.
Also the 87% user approval rating on Steam is just mind boggling, and if that's food for thought, then the 32 it has on Metacritic for both PC and PS3 must be as well.
@AlexStinton Haha Brilliant and just like @Johnnyside I now want to play the game.
@themcnoisy @johnnyside It's an experience, I'll give it that.
Why did you need to remind me of this mess. That is the true horror.
This game makes you pine for the days of Bubsy 3D.
Kill it with fire
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