Republished on Monday, 31st October 2016: We're bringing this article back from the archives to celebrate Hallowe'en today. The original text follows.
Originally published on Tuesday, 28th October 2014: As I think about all of the horror games that I've played over the years, there's one that keeps barging to the forefront of my mind. It's a title that won't be rubbing shoulders with shining examples of the genre – such as Silent Hill or Resident Evil – but still manages to represent one of the most chilling gaming experiences that I've had in recent years – albeit for all of the wrong reasons. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present Zombeer.
This atrocious PlayStation 3 shooter has you attempting to find your girlfriend during a full blown zombie outbreak on your college campus. Like any great boyfriend, you've been off getting drunk in a bar while your better half has been spending time with Chancellor Colon Duty [No, I'm not making that up – Al]. As such, you'll need to battle your way through the shuffling hordes in order to rescue her.
Zombeer hopes to bring even more class to proceedings by also including a mechanic that has the player character continuously chugging beer. This apparently forestalls your own transformation into one of the undead, so you need to constantly pick up the titular beverage – after all, we all know that there's nothing more fun than having a constantly depleting timer that results in 'game over' when it runs out.
Even putting aside the naff arsenal of weapons, clunky graphics, and unresponsive controls (it doesn't even allow you to invert), the part that really turns Zombeer into a truly extraordinary gaming horror story is the humour that it tries to peddle. From the grotesque female zombies with chests that jiggle all over the shop to the dildo that acts as your melee weapon, the humour aims so low that it might as well be subterranean.
At this point, you're probably wondering why I'm writing about a game that I clearly didn't enjoy – after all, I gave it 2/10 in my review. You're also probably wondering why I'm writing about this travesty in a series designed to highlight good Hallowe'en games, so why don't you gather around the campfire and I'll tell you a tale.
There was a time when gamers the world over would complain and nitpick about the games that they played – they'd even gripe about those that deep down they knew were actually pretty good. They'd moan about games not being 1080p, or because they thought that there were too many indie titles, forgetting that some truly awful experiences were out there lurking in the shadows.
I dared to delve into the darkness, writing about this particular experience in the hope that other gamers would heed my advice. In plunging to such lows, though, I've found that it's made my outlook on all games brighter, for I will never forget the horrors that I encountered in gaming hell.
So, the next time that you think that 900p isn't enough, or that the latest PlayStation Plus games suck, be careful, because Zombeer can hear you, and it's hungry for brains. Don't believe me? Take a look in the mirror, say Zombeer three times, and you'll see just how bad games can really get. Should you survive, you just might return with a new found appreciation for your pastime.
What's the worst horror game that you've ever played? Scream where no one can hear you in the comments section below.