Oh the sweet, sweet irony, Sammy. You dump on No Man's Sky for being duller than a charity shop's clothing rack, and now you're going to try and act like AdVenture Capitalist is worth the free download from the PlayStation Store. Biased! Bullsh*t! Never visiting this website again! Bet you didn't even play it with a steering wheel, did you?
It probably says a lot about the human condition that the ever-increasing numbers in Hyper Hippo's clicker has had your humble host hooked for a week or so now, but who cares when there's fictional money to be made? This free-to-play Richard Branson-a-thon sees you start out with a single lemonade stand, before expanding your intergalactic empire to flogging lasers on the moon.
Tapping the square button sees you make your first profit, which you can then re-invest into more businesses. Eventually, you'll be able to hire managers who'll run your companies for you, and so your cash will continue to increase. Once you reach a certain point, you'll be able to multiply your income by bringing angel investors on board, but you'll have to rebuild your empire from scratch if you want to reap their rewards.
And so the game goes on: make money, buy more businesses, make more money, restart with bonuses, make money, repeat. Monopolising certain industries will increase the rate of your income, while microtransactions will allow you to bring in the big bucks without any of the grind. It's super simple, scarily addictive stuff. What more is there to say?
The thing about this game is that it doesn't want to command your attention all of the time – it's designed for a quick five minute management session here or there, in between more important things. You continue to earn money whether you've got the app loaded or not, so much of your time will be spent ensuring that your company's in the best possible shape for when you're away.
This means that it's probably not a perfect fit for the PlayStation 4, where you can't have multiple apps open and can't even play it on the kharsie – well, unless you enable Remote Play or have the best bathroom ever. And that's probably the only thing preventing it from achieving top marks and prompting the review score police to assemble outside armed with picket signs.
Like massaging salt into a mouth ulcer, AdVenture Capitalist doles out a different kind of entertainment – the kind that you know that you probably shouldn't enjoy. Cynical and simplistic, psychologists would probably have a field day analysing people playing this. We're lovin' it.