Topic: The Chit Chat Thread

@GirlVersusGame duck sounded cool, I don't know if it is legitimately a thing.

I genuinely thought you were talking about it weeks ago to me as well, as you were asking why people would even want to ever go outside and stuff like that. I don't know if you outright said it, but, you know, some of the things we talked about were kind of mental health related anyway. And you have definitely mentioned panic attacks before. But I don't want to be too forward and just ask stuff on the internet in an open forum or make you feel bad about anything and my brain is definitely an unrealiable source. But I kind of thought it was all just part of the coded discussions we would have, anyway, so I wasn't surprised to see it mentioned. It still made me want to check in with you, and @Tjuz, too. I can't help it, even if it is not necessary.

@GirlVersusGame uh oh, we're going to end up having two conversations in parallel again. I might leave the in depth music aspect for now, as I'm far too tired to understand that today 😅 but it is amazing the depth you can go with these things. And I will reply to some of the stuff from the music thread.

@Tjuz is definitely a wizard, and I can't wait for their reaction to seeing you ordain them as such 😄 and real recognise real, as the people say. So yeah, maybe we did all start randomly chatting and see some things in each other we recognised, kind of weird how it all came about initially, really. (This is also why I wanted to check in with Tjuz, as I feel i've been very neglecting lately, Aww) I still think you are far too clever for me though, it is kind of like if Transcendence was an actaully good film (I can't remember much about it, to be fair, I think I saw it once and kind of liked it, so I won't actually criticise it) but yeah, my brain is more like a wet bag of flour than a quantum computer, unfortunately.

Yeah, i'm not saying anything is factually right or wrong about those things, so you know, I was just surprised when you said about snowmaiden and talked about the suggestive way it is used now, is all 😅 probably best to move on from it, as it was only a small part of what we were talking about.

And anyway, we both came down on the same side of the unmentionable Stellar Blade debate, and the same side of the moments when people try to force their views on people. I'm aggressively neutral and protective of people's right to be themselves when it doesn't harm others. I like and do what I like, I don't let what I like or do define who I am as a person, especially on either side of any of the usual internet hot topics we see here in the dreaded comments section where people like to accuse people of being things because of their interests 🤷‍♂️ but I can't lie, I believe kids need to be protected better from some things, which you also understand.

If we can veer off, the UK is kind of known for having kids shows use adult oriented jokes (hidden meanings). That kind of thing is hilarious, and probably not damaging as kids wouldnt have a clue what they were on about anyway, and it is more to make young parents laugh, or stoners. Mostly stoners. Then there's the whole UK age restriction stuff, which is one of those things where in part I agree, and in part I disagree. It should be a parents job to protect, but then kids have access to so much tech these days, too so you'd hope they are protected. I totally nope out of all that stuff, as there is probably no real right or wrong answer overall and we're already too far gone as a society for genuine compromise and solutions. Again, boo society. Let me slap this in the chit chat thread, instead of replying in music, at least. But I might post some Eddie Vedder in the music section now, for fun and extra confusion.

@Ravix Goose maybe? I don't really know my birds at four in the morning.

I genuinely thought you were talking about it weeks ago to me as well, as you were asking why people would even want to ever go outside and stuff like that. I don't know if you outright said it, but, you know, some of the things we talked about were kind of mental health related anyway.

• That's sounds like something that would naturally come out. I don't know what's out there or why people do it. I spent the first ten years of my life inside, my parents were off the grid so it was just me, staff, etc, I didn't even notice those years. I do remember the first time I saw nature though, that was surreal. I wasn't inside because I had agoraphobia, no one brought me outside, not past my home at least. I normalized that, it still feels normal. The agoraphobia part is due to due incidents of people wanting what others have, which I understand but take money not people. So after the first time that agoraphobia developed, then subsided a little, then a couple of years ago it happened again, they didn't get me but it was enough to amplify what was already there. It all combined like that game with the big ball that rolls around collecting everything and my mind said 'nope we're not going out there again', I agreed.

And you have definitely mentioned panic attacks before. But I don't want to be too forward and just ask stuff on the internet in an open forum or make you feel bad about anything.

• I don't feel bad about it at all, I don't miss what I never had. I hardly went outside before those two events. Each one was in a different country, the last one was only a couple of years ago, very loud, very public, they didn't care if anyone else got hurt. Greed blinds people too.

I'll show you an example of where my mind was at the time. And give brief context. After the first time I was terrified of everything, one noise, the breeze, I started stealing peoples firearms (Russia legal) and hiding them in my bedroom. It was like the Hitman game, I was wandering the environment lifting everything and bringing it back to the bunker under my bed. They started to find them.

So to fix the problem I was brought to an arms show, to buy some small rifles of my own. I saw this truck, it was doing a life fire exercise, so loud and powerful, like brtbrtbrtbrtbrt, amazing. There were Navy Seals, Spetsnaz, all kinds of military from around the world doing exercises, that's how I've photographed so many special forces units. But my eyes were locked on that truck. I saw it as 'that's safety, I need it!!!', I thought it was the answer to everything.

'we are really trying for that thing' that's my friend, the one who fled Russia. for all the years we knew each other I wanted that truck. She didn't know why either.

I thought 'I'd go outside' if I had that. I was a child and thought I could drive it around and be safe, that's a Gatling gun. So I asked my Dad for my birthday 'what?! no', then I met my Ex and asked him for another birthday 'absolutely not', then I asked my current Partner for a recent birthday. He looked into why I even wanted it, realized something that no one else did, now I don't need or want it anymore. He saw the connection, the soldiers during the exercise looked just like the ones who helped remove me from that first event. No one else realized that, so for years I kept asking for that truck. I even asked Santa, no truck. But now I don't need it, would I accept it? Absolutely. That's also why I do need that little extra Controlling guidance in my life, without it I'd be zooming around with a Gatling gun. I'm not kidding.

uh oh, we're going to end up having two conversations in parallel again. but it is amazing the depth you can go with these things. And I will reply to some of the stuff from the music thread.

• I have to. To quake and shake and cry would be to admit defeat, it's better to push forward and understand something. My Partner is a big part of that too, when we first met he introduced me to daily therapy. That lasted for months, now it's only once a week, that's mainly prevention and a familiar face. I didn't even speak before he did that, he's a very Intelligent Person and fixed a lot of things. Now I have the ability to analyze anything, good, bad, it doesn't affect me because I feel neither. Just study it.

Yeah, i'm not saying anything is factually right or wrong about those things, so you know, I was just surprised when you said about snowmaiden and talked about the suggestive way it is used now.

• In the spirit of honesty. I was raised to reject traditional moral rules, particularly concerning certain conduct. You see restraints, I'm morally unrestrained. Which normally isn't a problem because life is life but you are Ravix and you live in a very different world. In a different society, where people are more 'oh that's naughty, you mustn't do that, where are your morals?'.

I don't want to turn your hair white with what I think is con-sensually acceptable in my life. The things I talked to Tjuz in private probably would. But that's all by choice, all by consent, the same way I told you tonight that I applaud anyone who wants equality in gender, I don't want it. I'd rather lie down and die in the forest like that Norwegian man said on this thread, he meant it about losing nature and staying inside. If someone tried to force gender equality on me tomorrow, hell no, you keep it, I'm good thank you. I know my place and I'm very comfortable there on the floor. I wasn't raised with equality, my relationship isn't built around it, I enjoy the massive discrepancy, it's bliss. Which I'm sure is extremely hard to understand, but it really is. I'll always put Him first, by choice. I have a little snow maiden in myself too, but this is PG and like I said you need your hair colour.

but I can't lie, I believe kids need to be protected better from some things, which you also understand.

• I agree, but I can't discuss that past here and again you need your hair colour. I'm an adult now, I'm self-aware.

If we can veer off, the UK is kind of known for having kids shows use adult oriented jokes (hidden meanings). That kind of thing is hilarious, and probably not damaging as kids wouldnt have a clue what they were on about anyway, and it is more to make young parents laugh, or stoners. Mostly stoners.

• I have no idea I was never allowed to watch Western children's shows. I saw badly dubbed Sesame Street, and I think that's about it. I haven't seen things like Pokemon, or the others, but I know Sylveon from the Build a Bear store, the others? no idea. I don't think I was shown U.K. children's shows either.

It should be a parents job to protect.

• I'll be blunt. In my Family the tradition is for the women to raise the girls, the men raise the boys. Instead of raising me herself my Mum purchased an island somewhere (no idea where, still) and went off the grid, my Dad showed up ten years later and realized she'd just left me at home with staff etc. I'd see him maybe once per year and he had no idea. Ten years, she bounced between properties in Europe too, I can't say I know what a parents job is. I believe children need to be protected but parents are another species to me. Security isn't, that's protection. That truck I wanted, that's protection, parents protecting? I honestly don't know because I have very little reference point there.

but then kids have access to so much tech these days, too so you'd hope they are protected.

• So did I back then, and that's why I do what I do now. And a lot more, I know what can happens when that access is allowed, I experienced the results for ten years.

Let me slap this in the chit chat thread, instead of replying in music, at least. But I might post some Eddie Vedder in the music section now, for fun and extra confusion.

• Slap away, it looks like it's almost five in the morning. I'm going to see if sleep happens, He's away on a business trip, I'm still jet-lagged so I stayed in England. I'm going to copy this, if it's gone later (today?) I'll show it to a friend and ask her to explain what's not appropriate (I'm blind to it honestly) Then try to do it again. Thank you for the conversations, you helped again without realizing it.

Nice, I will try to find some time this evening to read, digest and reply 🙂

@BlAcK_Sw0rDsMaN Thank you for the kind words; yeah, I'll muddle through as I always do and that trip is a shining beacon right now.

My friend would probably not have had the patience to go that route. A surprising amount of software programmers I know don't really view planning and design as an important part of the job, rather something one just has to get through in order to get to the coding. I've never understood that, but then I often get accused of being too meticulous in my approach, so we're all different, I suppose.

Anyway, hoping to hear back on how you get on with it, should you feel like sharing as the project evolves 🙂

@Ravix Thank you for that sweet hug, my friend. It actually does help and kind words are always valued, so big hugs right back at you 🙂