Game Reviews scoring 1, 2 or 3/10
Review Shake Spears! (PlayStation Vita)
Meh-dieval
Free-to-play. Whenever these three words are uttered, it's hard to stifle the shudder that follows when you begin to think about microtransactions, "pay-to-win", and the other deceitful, annoying practices often associated with the whole model. There are the rare few with compelling gameplay and fair microtransactions such as Warframe,...
Review Gravity Badgers (PlayStation Vita)
Honey badger don't care
Don't let the incomprehensible combination of words that make up Gravity Badgers' title fool you. Taking more than its share of inspiration from the bird-tossing behemoth that is Angry Birds, does this flick-to-throw clone do enough to stand on its own four paws in a genre that's quite literally overflowing with trash? To...
Review Speakeasy (PlayStation 4)
Don't lose your head
Speakeasy is what happens when you take a great idea, strip it of all but the very bare essentials necessary for it to work, and then release it at about ten times its worth and hope that people buy it based on the premise alone. If it were free-to-play, you’d feel ripped off. This game isn’t just bad, it’s insultingly...
Review Senran Kagura Bon Appétit! (PlayStation Vita)
Food poisoning
With the Senran Kagura series, developer Marvelous has already served up several saucy dishes – but PlayStation Vita exclusive Senran Kagura Bon Appétit! sprinkles a little extra spice into the bubbling broth. A rhythm game with a culinary twist, this curious cook-‘em-up sees the property’s now infamous buxom ninja babes...
Review Fluster Cluck (PlayStation 4)
Cluck up
The plethora of indies gracing the PlayStation 4 keep on coming, and while not every single one of them is a knockout, there have been a few stunners over the past year. To add to the ever growing list is a game with a name that isn’t afraid to play with words. Enter Cluster...Er, Fluster Cluck – a four-player competitive twin-stick...
Review Slender: The Arrival (PlayStation 3)
A walk in the woods
The mythos of Slenderman shouldn’t be much of a mystery anymore. The abnormally tall creature with no discernible facial features and a rockin’ tuxedo has blown up in popularity these past couple of years. This is mostly due to popular web series Marble Hornets, but another thing that added to the creepy character’s...
Review Murasaki Baby (PlayStation Vita)
Balloon fright
Murasaki Baby made this typically composed critic want to toss his figurative toys out of the pram, and that’s never a good sign. Ovosonico’s long in production PlayStation Vita exclusive whisks you away from the hustle and bustle of the real world to a nightmarish fantasy land, where you must guide a wailing infant and her purple...
Review Might & Magic: Duel of Champions - Forgotten Wars (PlayStation 3)
Pay £7.99 for tagline
You’d be forgiven for thinking that Might & Magic: Duel of Champions - Forgotten Wars is some kind of trading card video game, but that’s short-sighted. No, it’s an investment opportunity of a lifetime – a chance to hand out huge amounts of money in return for digital versions of cards that your other half probably...
Review DayD Tower Rush (PlayStation Vita)
Dino-bore
You can’t swing a cat these days without hitting several tower defence games, and as a result it’s become increasingly difficult for new arrivals in the genre to stand out from the crowd. DayD Tower Rush is one such title, which, after trying its luck on iOS last year, has decided to peddle its mix of dinosaurs, time travel, and...
Review Tour de France 2014 (PlayStation 4)
Tour de Pants
It is Tour de France time, and that means crowds of talented bikers defeating our evil physics overlords and riding through one another across the beautiful French countryside and chunks of England. No? That must just be one of the fantastic new features in Tour de France 2014, a game which also serves up blind robot crowds and a host...
Review Air Conflicts: Vietnam Ultimate Edition (PlayStation 4)
You sunk my battleship
Wars have broken out over lesser atrocities than Air Conflicts: Vietnam Ultimate Edition. This PlayStation 4 exclusive re-release of last year’s PlayStation 3 flight simulation is a smouldering wreck of a piece of software, serving up an abhorrent experience only marginally more entertaining than a real-life plane crash...
Review Blue Estate (PlayStation 4)
Off the rails
The rail shooter has been a staple of arcades for decades, giving gamers the chance to wield plastic firearms to gun down wave after wave of enemies. Their popularity made it natural that they’d make the jump into the home, and while there have been a few successes on consoles, most gamers came to the conclusion a while ago that this...
Review That Trivia Game (PlayStation 4)
Pointless
There have been copious trivia games released over the years, with Relentless Software’s surprisingly good Buzz! series perhaps being the most popular among PlayStation fans. The latest title to tackle the quiz genre, That Trivia Game, is exclusive to the PlayStation 4 – and certainly deserves top marks for its highly original name...
Review Transformers: Rise of the Dark Spark (PlayStation 4)
Less than meets the eye
Even the emotionless Galvatron would be saddened to see a generation of teenagers brought up on Michael Bay’s visually offensive and canon destroying Transformers flicks. Fortunately for veterans, there’s been a shining light among the countless explosions and Megan Fox pouting that has sought to preserve the authenticity...
Review SoulCalibur: Lost Swords (PlayStation 3)
En garbage
Forget about missing blades, we suspect that the folks at Bandai Namco may have misplaced their minds while developing SoulCalibur: Lost Swords. This wretched free-to-play fighter serves up the gaming equivalent of seppuku, except the ancient Japanese suicidal rite isn’t riddled with obnoxious loading times, and thus is preferable to...
Review Starlight Inception (PlayStation Vita)
Failure to launch
The space combat genre seems to be making something of a comeback lately, with releases like Strike Suit Zero: Director’s Cut lighting up the dark corners of space. As such, it’s only right that the PlayStation Vita should get its own spaceship game, and Starlight Inception by Escape Hatch Entertainment is a Kickstarter project...
Review Daylight (PlayStation 4)
Low battery life
Daylight is the procedurally generated horror game from Zombie Studios, the indie outfit best known for free-to-play first-person shooter Blacklight Retribution. It has the distinction of being the first game released using the new – and largely impressive – Unreal Engine 4, making this an attractive proposition for visual...
For God's sake
A downloadable and retail title for the PlayStation 3 that’s currently only available in North America, Magus is a premium priced role-playing game that sees you step into the shoes of the aforementioned titular hero in his quest to become an all-powerful God. Stop us if you’ve heard this one before. The release adopts a rather...
Review Rambo: The Video Game (PlayStation 3)
It's over, Johnny
In an industry where fantastic, marketable games are cancelled all too often and publishers are desperate to make up for years of inflation, the most impressive thing about Rambo: The Video Game is that it exists at all. However, that probably has something to do with the fact that it cost about £30 to make. It’s not all bad...
Review Zombeer (PlayStation 3)
Brain dead
Games that aim to make their audience laugh are a very hard thing to pull off. After all, not everyone’s funny bone has the same comedic sensibilities, and that makes it a difficult line to traverse. As a result, for every Portal there are three stinkers like Deadpool waiting in the wings. Moonbite and Padaone Games are the latest...
Review Streetkix Freestyle (PlayStation Portable)
A kick in the balls
Soccer may not be the most popular sport in the United States, but the same can’t be said outside of the country. Around the world, not only is football enormous, but it’s a lifestyle for many. As a result, the beautiful game has its own street iteration, boasting a number of mind-boggling ball tricks. Streetkix Freestyle...
Review NBA Live 14 (PlayStation 4)
Slam junk
It’s been a long time since EA Sports actually followed through and tossed a new NBA Live title onto consoles, with nothing but a line of cancelled releases filling the space since NBA Live 10. However, with a new generation of consoles arrives the ideal opportunity to revive the dormant franchise properly. Sadly, the awful NBA Live 14...
Review Adventure Time: Explore the Dungeon Because I DON'T KNOW! (PlayStation 3)
We can't recommend a reason either
Adventure Time is ridiculously exuberant. Its characters are eccentric and weird, its storylines are convoluted and odd, and its humour is a mix of silly, low brow, and exceptionally well timed. It's a show of complexity and deep lore based on the insane. Adventure Time: Explore the Dungeon Because I DON'T KNOW!...
Review Time and Eternity (PlayStation 3)
Love will tear us apart
Naughty bubble-baths and tongue-in-cheek dirty jokes are often commonplace in the JRPG genre, but they don't typically accompany an array of mature issues, such as the death of a loved one and secrecy. This is because contrasting potty humour with a deep storyline rarely works, as it’s difficult to empathise with any...
Review The Smurfs 2: The Video Game (PlayStation 3)
Feeling blue
One may assume that the business of producing low-budget movie tie-ins died with the untimely self-destruction of THQ, but Ubisoft has boldly picked up the slack with The Smurfs 2: The Video Game, and, as is normally the case with these sorts of releases, the results aren't particularly positive. The evil Gargamel and his two...
Review Painkiller: Hell & Damnation (PlayStation 3)
Damn it all to Hell
Developers have a nasty habit of referring to their games as ‘old school’ when they know that they may not be very good by modern standards. Pitched as a nostalgic trip down memory lane, and designed to serve as both a remake and a sequel to 2004’s Painkiller, does Painkiller: Hell & Damnation dance with the devil or...
Review Arcania: The Complete Tale (PlayStation 3)
Arrow to the GPU
A great fantasy RPG should immerse you completely into its virtual world, making you truly believe in the mysterious realms around you. A great fantasy RPG should compel you to the point that you want to speak to every character in order to learn intricate secrets both pivotal and unrelated to the game's plot, and should encourage...
Review Disney Epic Mickey 2: The Power of Two (PlayStation Vita)
Icky mouse
It’s ironic that the latest blockbuster starring Walt Disney’s most iconic cartoon creation is a bit of a Mickey Mouse affair. Last year’s PlayStation 3 release of Disney Epic Mickey 2: The Power of Two, the sequel to development juggernaut Warren Spector’s popular Nintendo Wii game, fell flat on its button nose due to shoddy...
Review Star Trek: The Video Game (PlayStation 3)
Below par trek
If you're looking for an epic and exciting sci-fi setting filled with awful, often game breaking bugs – and you didn't already get your fill with Defiance – then Star Trek: The Video Game should be right up your alley. Not even the palpable hype from the impending movie, as well as the stellar cast, can save this generic action...
Review The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct (PlayStation 3)
No signs of life
Clearly intended to cash in on the overwhelming success of the TV show and the recent critical acclaim of Telltale Games’ excellent episodic adventure, The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct doesn’t so much as explode out of the gate, but, perhaps appropriately, shamble. The ‘plot’ revolves around the TV show’s troublesome...
