"What a load of tosh"

Where's editor Robert Ramsey when you need him? Busy day dreaming over Noctis and his band of bouffant brethren, we daresay. That means that you'll have to make do with this author's powers of Final Fantasy XV deduction, which could do with some grinding. Indulge us, then, for one article – unless you're spoiler sensitive, in which case you should hammer that browser back button harder than a nail.

Has everybody gone? Are we free to speak at will? Then we'll begin: Square Enix has still got its head embedded between its butt cheeks. Down below you'll find a teaser video from the Final Fantasy XV Episode Duscae demo, which shares a hint of "what's to come" in the series' long overdue sequel. The problem is that it reads like a Year Eleven's English Lit paper, and makes this author want to throw rocks at the developer's office windows.

There's the vague hint that Luna – the moody girl from the trailers – may have some connection to Final Fantasy XIII's ostentatiously named Stella Nox Fleuret, but it's all way over our head. Crystals, kings, knights – it's a literary masterpiece, award it the Nobel Prize now.

[source youtube.com, via gematsu.com]