Who Would Win April Fools' Day: Kazuo Hirai vs. Giant Enemy Crab
Posted by Robert Ramsey
We know what you're thinking: "It's not Wednesday! How blessed I am to be able to vote on another of my favourite weekly brawls!" Or at least, that's what we hope that you're thinking. Due to the popularity of Push Square's weekly feature, which sees popular PlayStation characters duke it out in order to determine who's the strongest, we thought that we'd bring this week's match-up forward a day so that you can bask in the glory of what is undoubtedly the greatest fight that the world has ever seen. Whoever achieves victory here today will likely go on to rule over the Earth with an iron fist, so read all about our combatants and then cast your all-important vote in our poll. Let the battle to decide the fate of mankind begin!
Many know him only as Sony's CEO, but in reality, Earth's greatest hero and strongest warrior Kazuo 'Kaz' Hirai has pulled humanity from the brink of extinction time and time again. Although he's been far too busy protecting us from the dangers of the galaxy to attend Sony's most recent E3 press conferences, we've missed his enigmatic presence nonetheless. In combat, the luminary makes use of a multitude of devastating techniques. Wielding a prototype DualShock 4 which boasts a light bar so bright that it would blind a mere mortal, you need only call out "RIDGE RACER" for the grin-wearing champion to appear. Most impressive of all, however, is his ability to fight from any range thanks to an endless supply of unsold PlayStation Vita consoles, which he can fling with such might that they break the sound barrier.
Giant Enemy Crab
First appearing in actual Japanese history, the fearsome Giant Enemy Crab has been terrorizing our planet ever since. Capable of eradicating entire cities from existence with a single swing of one of its gigantic claws, the only known way to survive a fight with the beast is to run away as fast as you possibly can. Thankfully, the incredible crustacean can only travel sideways, meaning that humanity at least has time to regroup its forces in between each attack. But even then, its armour is so thick and its lust for destruction so great that the world's mightiest armies have never managed to even scratch the monster, let alone stop its rampage. However, legends tell of a single weak point that the creature possesses, and when exposed, it can be attacked for massive damage.
Will everyone's favourite gaming personality save us from the tyranny of the Giant Enemy Crab? Vote for your winner in our poll, and tell us how you think the battle would unfold in the comments section below.
Who do you think would win this April Fools' Day? (42 votes)
Giant Enemy Crab
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[ Thanks to LordBagardo for the header image ]