News Article

Weirdness: Youngster Issues Santa with Epic PlayStation 4 Ultimatum

Posted by Sammy Barker

"Bring me a PS4 or my sister's kitten goes in the blender"

Stella Artois swigging eight-year-old Damian Garside has told Santa that he wants a PlayStation 4 for Christmas – and if he doesn’t get one, he’ll be making an animal smoothie out of his sister’s pet kitten. The hard-as-nails pre-pubescent tearaway from Crewe – pictured dragging on an unlit cigarette – issued the hilarious/disgusting ultimatum to Saint Nicholas as part of a holiday letter.

The entire literary masterpiece – posted in his school’s Christmas letterbox – reads: “Yo Santa. I’ve not been good this year and I ****ing won’t be. No chance. But I want a PS4 with all of the games for Crissmas [sic], ok? If I don’t get a PS4 off you, I will put our Shannice’s kitten in Mum’s blender and mince the ****er up. So get me a PS4. Luv Damian.”

According to one teacher at the boy’s school, the youngster delivered the letter while reeking of “ale and fags”. The tutor supposedly explained: “He stuffed his letter into the Santa box and just marched out, booting several of the smaller children as he went. I opened the box and when I read it I almost sobbed. Needless to say, the letter will not be heading to the North Pole.”

Given the source, we don’t recommend putting any stock into this report at all. Still, we secretly hope that ol’ Kris Kringle does bring the pint-sized menace a new console this Christmas, as we look forward to spending the majority of Boxing Day pumping the idiot full of fictional lead in Killzone: Shadow Fall.

[via Sunday Sport]

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User Comments (23)

Scollurio

#4

Scollurio said:

I just purely hope this is a fake. Otherwise I think he and his parents should be... put down.

Epic

#6

Epic said:

@ShogunRok He doesn't need a Wii U, he needs a psychiatrist if this is for real.
I lose a bit of hope on humanity everything one of these crazy kids news comes up. ):

Jaz007

#7

Jaz007 said:

Lol, yeah, I think this is fake (I'm really hoping at least). If this is true, then some serious intervention is needed. Although Sammy, the picture has he F word in it, which kinds contradicts site policy.

get2sammybAdmin

#8

get2sammyb said:

@Jaz007 They're blurred, though not especially well. I'll do a better job, hold on.

EDIT: Updated. Apologies about that, everyone.

Carl-G

#10

Carl-G said:

Hmm i don't really want him on PSN :D + He just reminds me of the Xbox Generation :-/ Anyway that Kitten is well CUTE;)

Pink_Floyd

#11

Pink_Floyd said:

Psychopath: a person suffering from chronic mental disorder with abnormal or violent social behavior.

ReigningSemtex

#12

ReigningSemtex said:

no doubt after reading what a horrible child he is CEX will give him a PS4 like they gave the chav who didnt know how to read descriptions on ebay auctions an XBone.

Azikira

#14

Azikira said:

That was not a pleasant read at all. My friend had to convince me it was fake because I was so pissed off. I've seen kids like this and it's sickening.

AG_Awesome

#18

AG_Awesome said:

@Azikira lmao. Oh I have. But I'd like to think an article that is clearly parody would be obvious. I'm not arguing the existence of spoiled brats.

JaxonH

#19

JaxonH said:

I find this a tad hard to believe, but if this is in fact real, we as a society have some SERIOUS problems on our hands.

JaxonH

#20

JaxonH said:

@ReigningSemtex
C'mon, so the guy made a mistake. Some people are naive to the blatant selfishness and lack of morals in the world. He assumed no one would be so cold-hearted as to actually do something like that. He goofed up. But it's not his naivete I would criticize, it's the seller's complete lack of any morals that shocks me. I mean I know there's scammers in the world and all, but it's still shocking when you actually see it happen.

ReigningSemtex

#21

ReigningSemtex said:

Would have felt bad for the guy but when he is using his 4 year old son for the sympathy vote that's when I stopped caring the guy was wearing a football shirt and ordered a XBone with fifa 14 out of his dole money for his son lol yeah ok pal. But yeah I understand what your saying that guy who put that up for auction is pretty soulless for thinking he could just take someones money like that for a (badly) printed picture

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